Who am I?

One of the billions amongst you. A combination of tiny spectacles that create me just as it creates you. Same as you, even though raised differently, behaving differently, wanting different things, looking different, we are still the same. In fact, we want the same thing as everyone wants, that we all yearn for deeply inside – to be connected with one another, to understand and be understood, to find our own, to learn and grow in mind, body and soul, to discover, to live, not just survive.

We are a society, we create it, yet we are also trapped by its beliefs, its ways and restrictions. Such a ridiculous notion. To be trapped by something that isn’t truly seen or felt, by laws that are taught simply out of habit and we start to inforcing it on others and ourselves, believing it to be right.

We are creators, the ultimate product, not to be bound down by thousand years old traditions that hold no true value. To discover, to learn, to explore, to love and forgive, to find ourselves, what we love, what makes us happy, what makes us feel alive.

I don’t know who am I. I don’t believe I ever can understand myself. Just as the light cannot illuminate itself or mirror reflect itself, it just does and as such, I just am. However, does that mean I am the things I like or dislike, the things I have or don’t have, the things people say about me, the way that other people see me, is that the image of myself?

I don’t think so, but than what does it matter? What I want is to share what I have in my mind. To open to a community, in the way that I can’t open to people around me that put me in a barriers, believing I can’t be something because they don’t see me that way nor do they wish to understand that other part of me that doesn’t fit in their image of me.

I am one of you, I want to feel that connection. Want to be part of it. It is one of the first times that I admit such a thing so boldly. It is frightening, but it is true. A friend told me “I didn’t know if I could trust my friends, until I opened up and put my trust in them. Only then, by letting go of my fear and self-restrictions, have I realized who are my friends truly.”

I want to share and I will. I do not know how much you will like it. My mind is a chaos of things and yet a perfect calmness where no thoughts stray. A hard picture to perceive, but the true one nevertheless. Many things hold my interests, something that I shall share here yet they don’t always have a valid connection to one another, making it seem like I am jumping from topic to topic. Maybe I am just trying to find myself, or maybe I am just being eccentric. Doesn’t matter truly. I want to see what you think. How much you shall accept me and how much will I fit here or stand out.

Welcome to my mind and yours as well, for there must be something of you in here if you are going to like it or dislike it. Only indifference means we have nothing in common.

All the love,

Ellie

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