Can’t say 19 anymore

{Music. Alina Baraz & Galimatis – Unfold}

Twenties are something new for me. Twenties should be this years of discovering and rediscovering oneself and others in a new way of seeing the world. The horizon expands, the eyes see more, clearer, bigger.

Brings bigger responsibility, new challenges of the unknown nature, life present you something new and twisting and you are standing there, pushed around left and right, laughing or crying.

And I am in them as of 28.07. 2015. two o’clock in the afternoon.

So simple – just a tick of a clock suddenly announced that at that moment twenty years ago, I seen the light for the first time. And kept seeing it over and over again whenever I opened my eyes from that point on.

When I write it like this, I feel excitement for the possibilities it represents. But, I desire the return of familiarity and beauty of being nineteen. Something that in my mind was the right balance between a child and adult – something that I always kinda search to balance in my life.

Though this is why I love writing and blogging – the truth always clears up a bit more for me when I am typing and not exactly thinking. If only I could just type my life, I think it would look much more perfectly ordered than it is, much clearer than it is and my friends… well, maybe I wouldn’t be such a chaos of everything to them either.

But possibilities remain.

{Music. Tiesto – Red lights}

The night that came when the midnight striked and 28.07. started to unfold proved to be one of the dearest nights I have in my memory. The memories are already blurring to be honest, but I remember the most important bits that shaped it so beautifully – the music, the feel of people who I care about around me, their joy that ten folded mine, their energy that made me jump even more, the hugs and smiles that twisted my heart and made me smile all that much wider. Everything about it, experienced in the crowd of colored blurs that were pink one second, blue the other with sea and stars around us.

wpid-2015-08-14-06.01.50-1.jpg.jpeg

In the morning, sky greeted me with its spectacular beauty and only thing I regretted was the wet panties that were still making me cold ever since I jumped in a pool fully clothed.wpid-2015-08-14-05.56.53-1.jpg.jpeg

But this sky here showed me something that really made me smile for the new beginning of this chapter and made me desperately want to write this post.wpid-2015-07-29-01.12.13-1.jpg.jpeg

It looked amazingly like endless possibilities were scattered across the sky and whichever you pick will be right, so have no fear to just start. A perfect message for the start of something so unpredictable.

So twenties might be quiet more beautiful than the years that ended with a teen. And if not, well, memories might be pale imitation of reality, but still worth more than any gold you can gather in your lifetime.

Kisses,

Ellie

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