{Music. Thomax – Evol Remix (Wordsworth + Masta Ace)}

I have been having a problem lately. Before, I never really liked anybody, or at least, not enough to consider dating that person or opening up to them. Since I arrived to London, the number of people from zero has went up to beyond four. They are basic crushes that have more potential then any other crush before simply because I actually talk to this people and am not coming up with an image inside my head, but am actually meeting them.

It is quite strange for me to put in a defintion to be honest which is why I am sharing it here. Does my care for one person lessen because at the same time I am fancing another person, as well? Or is ti doubling because I am also giving this person more freedom then I would if he was in my sole focus and thus being overly dramatic about him?

Basically, I honestly don’t know how to rationally handle this situation. For now, which I learned is a best approach, I simply go with the flow and enjoy every one of their’s company while it lasts. How it turns out… God knows, maybe I will actually have a boyfriend for the first time ever or maybe I just learn a very valuable leasson in handling my crushes.

Truth to be told… I am bad at relationships in general. True, if you met me I am quite good at talking people up and being a friend. But, actual, deep bonds where I share everything with one person or expose my deeper feeings and beliefs… That I only have one person which would be actually my mom to understand, and even she doesn’t know everything about me since she can’t understand things that are simply difference in generation. My other friends, they all know bits and pieces, not one the whole story in my head. I guess I do have a bit of trust issues. I won’t lie, I do have them. As a kid I didn’t have many friends and those I did were never all that real and as a result I don’t have that much of a habit to confide too deeply in anyone. Sounds sad when you read it like this, but I personally believe that many people actually have this and that it is actually sad how similiar we are all, and yet we are still cruel and without understanding to one another.

Still, we all wish for the same – love, acceptence, understanding, joy of being yourself without judgment.

{Music. Deep Chills – Waikiki}

And it seems that in every culture, in every country there are some advantages and disadvantages that other places don’t have and still leaves you stumbling about, not sure how or what.

I guess that is the joy of travelling. In a very short period of time you can learn and grow a lot. I am still learning how to handle many new sides of me that have surfaced with new people that I met, which is specially focused on having so many people that I would love to meet more intimately. Still don’t know where is an invisible line in anything that you shouldn’t cross. Some I have figured out, but lots of them are still very much blurry and undifiened.

To be honest, it makes me wanna run somewhere foreign once again. But, sometimes you just have to let time define the path that you are walking.

Hopefully, mine path won’t be down a cliff.

Until next time,

Love

Elly

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