Dreams of goals

Weed confession – I never really put it here that I tend to smoke from time to time. Mind you, my approach to it is either smoke for few days in a row, when I feel it  and then not smoke for a while. But, I tend to be like that with everyting in my life, so this is no suprise. I suppose I thought that people would feel against it and as such, wouldn’t wish to be part of this anymore, no matter how small it currently is. But, my conclusion about life right now is that honesty is the best policy.

The thing that I also found that weed can make my brain go in overdrive, thinking more deeply about things than really necessary for anyone who doesn’t like to complicate their lives. Me, for better or worse, do tend to do that. But, what I really wanted to share today is a short confession that I wrote that kinda describes my deeper current mindset which happened when I was high, thus he first paragraph.

I don’t wish to be succesful just,

I want to reach for the stars

Feel how it is to be a star

For she is made of what I am made of.

Not just see the wild waves and pass them through on my way to school

I want to feel them as I feel myself,

Totally and completely.

If that is not fullfilled, the ultimate happiness of living, how can I be happy?

Even if I have a success in business, the joy won’t be full because I would feel the emptiness

That only one with everything

remembering that I am a creator and planets,

birds and oak trees,

all that is, is me, as well.

Light and God,

One and everything.

That I am part of this energy that is everything and all.

It is the ultimate power, the ultimate truth.

And you truly know this,

And once you feel it and know by heart,

Then your conciousness and your mind will automatically know it, as well.

But, knowing intelectually is not all there is.

In fact, it is a lower level of knowing – learned theory, one that you may or may not apply in life and what use is that?

A level that you need, but is not enough.

However, it will happen on its own accord, you will know intelectually of itself if you know it first by feeling it, by breathing it, by living the truth.

Which is a joy to know, for now you can skip thousands of books

Who all tell you in the end the same truth.

Just live and be lived through,

Life wants to flow

Don’t stop it with fear spready by a mad society.

Let yourself live as a god on earth in a sense that what you think you become and that is ultimate godhood and so become true to your heritage.

Only that is the truth.

And only that matters.

We used to forget for we were playing and we wanted to take the play to the next level.

Now, we are stuck in this play for a moment of time.

And once we reach the truth again

We’ll probably want to forget again for it is the nature of play  and it is the only way that you can have the illusion of free will and free choice.

Only when you are cut of the whole, or better to say, your mind forgets it is part of the whole, can there be created an illusion of existence as a individual unit, Of self, of a personality that you use to function in this world of society and this form of existence.

But, once you remember, you go back to the universe level. You live and exist purely in the form of energy and there are no desires, no dreams, no past or future, only now.

And that’s why we like to play the game of forgetting.

After all, only in the game can we experience the ups and downs, joys and sorrows, in its illusionist form where everything can be created, from biggest peaks of humanity to worst tragedies that you can imagine and that makes all the fun in the world possible.

It is a bit reformed for the sake of better understanding for I wrote some sentences in the way that are not neither gramatically correct nor much understandable. However, this is something that occupies my mind a lot lately and hopefully, there are some individuals out there that think similary 🙂

Until next time,

Lots of love,

Eli

 

 

{Music. Kygo feat. Maty Noyes – Stay}

 

It’s strange how thoughts just start to follow one another. I never thought before much about romance and yet now, since coming to this magical place of London, people that I find beautiful and fascinating just keep popping up and they become gorgeous in my eyes the more I get to know them. Honestly, I don’t even know where to turn and focus, on which person to look at more. And they all equally deserve the same focus because they are all equally enchanting in their own ways. It is a hardship, but in a certain sweet kind of way if that makes sense.

Don’t know how much others experienced this transaction from one end to the other in their life, but it can be quite enlightening about what kind of person you can become and what you can do to make others happier and what kind of actions can make others sad.

But, it is actually disturbing when you realize how much we give up responsibility. Not gonna say give up control because if we really did give up control fully and enjoy whatever came to our life then it would be way easier and more fulfilling to live it. But, people always place the reason and the responsibility of their happiness on other people.

He is my boyfriend so he has to take care of me just the way I like it and I will be happy. If he doesn’t, I feel sad and that is his fault.

My mom didn’t congratulate me my birthday today so I am depressed.

My teacher didn’t praise me today so I will not study for her class anymore.

My friend didn’t text me back…

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One hundred and one reason of why you feel sad and then you place the blame on others like it is their job to make you happy. Every person is responsible for only one person and one person only – and that is itself.

Every other action taken to make someone else happy is considered a gift, not an obligation. And as such, should be valued whenever given and not angered or sad when not.

Why not? Simply because if you yourself first can’t make yourself happy than no one can make you happy, not truly. Because you will always depend on that person to make you happy and that is never a way of being happy for long. Then it is fleeting and usually brings more pain than pleasure.

Also, if you can’t be happy with yourself and expect others to make you happy, you are actually putting a horrible burden on others and even worse responsibility that nobody wants and they always leave in the end because it is an impossible task to fulfill.

I honestly think that many people approach relationships wrong. They approach usually with an illusion of what the person should be and is. As they meet they adjust their perspective one way or other. Expectations follow. I’ll be stereotypical here simply to make a point, not to make it seem as if it is truly like that. A girl wants flowers before every date, guys want sex after every date. If it is not fulfilled, they don’t like it and put the blame on the other significant.

That is no way to really go about because you will always end up disappointed in the end. No one can meet your expectations fully because no one can read your mind and no should actually. Everyone is their won person and what you expect is the extension of your persona and to expect someone to fill up all the check points is impossible to achieve.

But, love… Love can change all that. Just loving, not forcing or changing anything or anyone, just feeling that joy and love. Dance and sign with it. Work and create with it changes you and later on the world for the better.

After all, there is a reason for the saying love yourself first before you can love anybody else. Well, I am not sure that is really how it goes, but the point is the important one. Once you learn to enjoy yourself, you want need others to make you feel joy. But, sharing is caring and thus sharing your joy with someone familiar will just intensify it for the better and that makes a true relationship matter all the more.

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Quote

Bella

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Always Something There to Remind Me.”

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{Music. Maitre Gims – Bella}

He sees her across the lavish restaurant. The music is live and guitar can be heard clearly amongst the other instruments and singing voices. Her skin is glowing under the lights, her hair waves of chocolate and her eyes big and light, enchanting when they meet his across the room.

Bella.

She moves like she is made of air and water, all smooth moves and light steps, graceful in her approach. His heart stutters when she smiles, enchanting him even more.

Bella.

He doesn’t remember how they meet, so pulled in her green eyes with speckles of gold he was. He doesn’t remember what he said, only her laugh, loud and honest. It sounds even sweeter later, when she laughs low against his ear as he holds her.

Bella.

He knew that they are dancing in the moments that come. He is never more grateful for having learned all the dances as the stumbling, young boy. Now, he is grateful he is no longer clumsy, so that he may follow this beauty with a grace of a swan across the dance room and reflecting lights.

Bella.

She was truly beautiful, with her smoky eyed make-up, lips painted red, enhancing the fullness of them and the whiteness of her teeth. Her hair done in perfect curls as they tumbled down her open back and mocca-colored skin sprinkled lightly with a perfume he came to associate with her.

Bella.

He thinks he loved her at the sight. He thinks it is possible. Even before he knew her little quirks and secrets. Even before he knew that she only loved apple pie as a dessert and refused any other sweets. That she loved spicy food and enjoyed the various cultures. That she loved to travel in a summer, but in winter liked to stay curled in her home. That she had six different laughs and he was still counting. Before he knew how beautiful she looked after taking the shower, all clean and fresh, natural in her grace and bare as she laid before him.

Bella.

He loved her since the first time he seen her and he never forgets how fitting the music accompanying their first gaze was.

Bella.

He thinks how lucky he is that she accepts him so, even his quiet demur where he smiles at her whenever she enters the room, but doesn’t know how to express his admiration and love so well in words as she does. But, he thinks that’s alright, because she always smiles with warmth in her eyes, making them shine when he leaves roses for her, makes her dinner or kisses her good morning. He thinks action is just as telling as words, if not more.

Bella.

He thinks that she is his Bella and he is finally breathing life since he met her.

It was just too sweet not to write though since I didn’t have a radio nor my set of headphones with me, I had to relay on my playlist on my phone and shuffle it. This came up and immediately the idea formed. Hope you like it.

Song is Maitre Gims – Bella if you missed the link at the beginning.

Love

Ellie

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A reminder of what we have

{Music. Ludovico Einaudi – Walk}

Air and water,

Fire and earth

Did you know that at the start of alchemy and thoughts about what the earth was made of, they thought that every element was made by the four of those. Each object was made of different combinations of four main, basic elements. Today, we know that every object is made of thousands elements and thus, the endless possibilities in our minds expanded to never-ending.

Gold and silver,

Diamonds and metals

So many elements there are, so many things that once you pay attention, you find magical and mystical in its appearance and its existence.

Mud – created from water and earth. Full of potential to help and heal.

Dust – air and earth in its beauty dances under the reflector of sun light, carrying secrets we have yet to interpret and understand.

Fog – fire and water, hiding and finding things, making everything look like the time of witching hour.

Molten lava – earth and fire, making fiery accessories across the surface of the Earth, slow and relentless, it shows how some things may come slow, but they will come, steadily and surely just like anything you do.

Stranger things did happen when air and fire collided, the power it could cause, so simple and light separated, they became a force to reckon once united.

Isn’t life beautiful in it never-ending circle or growth, creation, living and then gracefully dieing before being reborn in a new shape and joy? Sounds kinda romantic for just basic every day things, but I thinks that where the secret of life actually is. In finding the beauty over and over again in things you thought you see every day, but are different with every second.

Thoughts and free time can do wonders for your blog, you know. Just a little bit of something for all of you lovelies out there, finding time to click on this post.

Love

Ellie

Sunday rest and talks

{Music. Alan Walker – Fade}

To be honest, I like to watch people, observe them, learn them and then move on.

I like to talk to them for a moment or a day, depending on how interesting I find them, and go back to my shadowy corner once I am done.

That is to say, I am not exactly a people person. Throw a horde of dogs, cats, or any animal there is, I would be content to spend my day, lazing around and playing with the little bundles of joy that they are to me. Throw people at me and it isn’t that easy. It depends on the type of people, the energy around them, their mindset and my general mood for me to able to spend a whole day with them and enjoy every second of it.

I think working on a reception isn’t all that for me. I can smile prettily, but damn, I like the honesty. I like telling a person, okay, I am not in a mood, stop talking to me. Not that harshly, unless the person is being annoying, but it is the general ability to do so that counts. If you can, you don’t have a need to all that much, you leave or put on the headphones. If you can’t,well, it starts to nag at you like a terrible itch that just keeps getting worse.

And I don’t know, but even though your face shows that you are clearly not interested, they just keep talking. It is like they never have a chance to share their experience or thoughts or anything before being interrupted and once they start, they seemingly can’t stop. It is worryingly because, well, everyone should be able to feel content all the time, not feeling bottled up.

Btw, found this little babe right now, so that is the music theme for this post today {Music. Alan Walker – Fade}

So, in a terrible worry that I don’t become one of those people without knowing, I will be the terrible bore here, expressing all my complicated feelings and thoughts that are jumbled up like headphones cords once you put them in the bag.

Thankfully, you only need to click the back button to get the hell out of here. But, if you stay… Well, lots of virtual kisses for you. And lots of very real love from me.

That’s about it from the rambling of mine.

Next time, I hope that a sweet story will come from this fingers of mine and clicked away towards your Reader for your lovely eyes.

Until tomorrow,

Love,

Ellie.

p.s. Thanks for listening.

p.p. Cover photo doesn’t really have anything to do with this post, but it just so wonderful and a really great advice in my opinion.

 

Inspiration, what is that?

{Music. Three wishes by the Pierces}

I come here and look at the screen.

I think of what to say. I do not wish to bombard you with pointless, everyday things. Things that I wouldn’t remember after three days. And than, I started thinking, what am I writing about in general. What is the spark that is the main theme of this blog? What brings you here? And I realized, I don’t have the answer.

It seems I am changing so rapidly, so fast, that I can’t keep the main theme, as it slipped away as if it was a bird in a cage, finally being set free, leaving me with only a shell of what it once contained.

Can’t go through a lot with just a shell, can you?

Don’t know why I am even writing this to be honest. It isn’t like it is terribly interesting.

I work at a hotel for now and it is amazing that the afternoon shift can be as boring as hell (though, for us, artsy types, a piece of paper or a book is all that is needed to chase away the boredom, or better yet, a free Wi-fi) yet once I started writing this, in less than 5 minutes, two phone calls. It is like a universe telling me, please who cares?

Though, I also take it kinda like a challenge. Just because you are stopping me, my desire to write kinda increases. Funny thing, what can inspired motivation.

So, an update. Been working on my graphic design skills so here is an example

beauty three wishesMind you, I say I’ve been working on it not that it is perfect.

woman     Paris, Paris, the mystery for me,

I admire your streets and movie stars walking under your lights,

Elegance and beauty, like cashmere soft as it covered the

bloodshed of the past

Filled with your language, I stopped understanding them, but

they got that much more beautiful

Women with sharp faces, so enchanting in their wake

And man with their charming smiles and sweet words

How I wish to visit you all,

Explore the life of erotic love and sweet promises that is Paris.

Guess I really don’t know where to go exactly. We shall see. From every mess, clarity comes so I am counting on that.

Kisses

Ellie

Love is all you got

{Music. Lisa Mitchell – Neopolitan Dreams (Niklas Ibach Remix)}

People fall in love so easily. It is in our nature to love and to connect with others around us, to care and be part of the group. It is obvious by our customs and way we live that we want love, yet we rarely truly love. We set boundaries for ourselves and expectations for other people to meet them and we kill the love we feel at the start simply because we don’t accept it as it is, but demand something else from it, something that is only in our minds.

If we truly let ourselves go, we would fall in love in an instant. We would fall in love at the bright, blue sky filled with soaring birds over and over again and our heart would sing with joy at the sight of a sunrise and sunset every time we encountered its rays of light. Falling in love is easy as it is breathing. It comes natural and fills us up with a natural flow of nature and universe. Loving is part of us. It is easier for us to simply love than to learn how to hate you. A smile can make you love; years of pain and anger makes you hate – the difference is clear.

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A problem with society is that it shows us false beliefs about love that we take and stick to and teaches how to fear and not how to love. The false beliefs we learn come mostly from romantic books and movies that we so devour. We all want love, yet you don’t need to acquire it as we are told to do. It is not waiting for us in Paris or in someone special. It is in you and you just need to love. Love yourself first, love your life first, love people around you and you shall see how it spreads out in a beautiful swirl of joy. Have you noticed you can’t define love? Or falling in love? We try by saying he fell in love with her eyes or she fell in love at his kind nature. Because she can dance or because he can be unexpectedly romantic. Because of this or that, but what may work for one person to feel love doesn’t mean it will work for the other. Some girls wants flowers, some girls want a leather jacket and motorcycle ride. Some guys want a romantic dinner, others want a laid back evening on a couch in sweatpants.

The point is that everybody is different yet we all want love. Love will express itself in everybody differently. You can’t define love, you can only feel it and keep it safe. And when I say keeping it safe, I mean not let your expectations stop your from simply feeling and enjoying yourself no matter of the boundaries other throw at you. Just because someone isn’t as tall as you want or doesn’t texts you “Good morning” and “Good night” or doesn’t surprise you with a cooked dinner, doesn’t mean love isn’t there. Or is younger or older or isn’t someone your friends or people around you approve. Love isn’t checking things off from the list, it just is and you can accept it and enjoy it or you can ignore it and feel frustrated and unhappy at the end of the day. Real love is easy and doesn’t put us in any stereotypical shape that we so lean towards. When we truly let go than we truly love. We don’t put expectations on ourselves or on others. No one is required to meet your expectations and you are not required to meet any of theirs.

The one who loves unconditionally is lucky and reaches the true bliss, not the one that is loved. It is love that we ourselves experience which makes us children at heart again, happy and fulfilled, seeing life with vibrant colors and beautiful sounds.

Remember, you are the one that invokes the light through your eyesight, the one who decided is it hot or cold for you, too much or not enough. The reality just is and it changes in our perception and our choice at how to perceive it. That is our free will. We are free to see the world however we chose to and we have to power to change that view anytime we want. How will you perceive the world around you depends on you what you feel and how you think.

{Music. Hozier – Take me to Church}    buuuu1

If you feel love and see new opportunities and find creative way to achieve something, life will be much more beautiful, filled with bliss and feeling content. If you feel fear and judge everything and everyone, a negative comment coming faster to your lips than does the positive one, your world will be bleaker, less magical and much more dull, almost a misery to live.

I wish you best of luck in simply loving and getting rid of any judgments our brain is programmed to bring up and to experience the life to its fullest which goes beyond just a paid job and a roof over your head.

With lots of love

Elly