Dreams of goals

Weed confession – I never really put it here that I tend to smoke from time to time. Mind you, my approach to it is either smoke for few days in a row, when I feel it  and then not smoke for a while. But, I tend to be like that with everyting in my life, so this is no suprise. I suppose I thought that people would feel against it and as such, wouldn’t wish to be part of this anymore, no matter how small it currently is. But, my conclusion about life right now is that honesty is the best policy.

The thing that I also found that weed can make my brain go in overdrive, thinking more deeply about things than really necessary for anyone who doesn’t like to complicate their lives. Me, for better or worse, do tend to do that. But, what I really wanted to share today is a short confession that I wrote that kinda describes my deeper current mindset which happened when I was high, thus he first paragraph.

I don’t wish to be succesful just,

I want to reach for the stars

Feel how it is to be a star

For she is made of what I am made of.

Not just see the wild waves and pass them through on my way to school

I want to feel them as I feel myself,

Totally and completely.

If that is not fullfilled, the ultimate happiness of living, how can I be happy?

Even if I have a success in business, the joy won’t be full because I would feel the emptiness

That only one with everything

remembering that I am a creator and planets,

birds and oak trees,

all that is, is me, as well.

Light and God,

One and everything.

That I am part of this energy that is everything and all.

It is the ultimate power, the ultimate truth.

And you truly know this,

And once you feel it and know by heart,

Then your conciousness and your mind will automatically know it, as well.

But, knowing intelectually is not all there is.

In fact, it is a lower level of knowing – learned theory, one that you may or may not apply in life and what use is that?

A level that you need, but is not enough.

However, it will happen on its own accord, you will know intelectually of itself if you know it first by feeling it, by breathing it, by living the truth.

Which is a joy to know, for now you can skip thousands of books

Who all tell you in the end the same truth.

Just live and be lived through,

Life wants to flow

Don’t stop it with fear spready by a mad society.

Let yourself live as a god on earth in a sense that what you think you become and that is ultimate godhood and so become true to your heritage.

Only that is the truth.

And only that matters.

We used to forget for we were playing and we wanted to take the play to the next level.

Now, we are stuck in this play for a moment of time.

And once we reach the truth again

We’ll probably want to forget again for it is the nature of play  and it is the only way that you can have the illusion of free will and free choice.

Only when you are cut of the whole, or better to say, your mind forgets it is part of the whole, can there be created an illusion of existence as a individual unit, Of self, of a personality that you use to function in this world of society and this form of existence.

But, once you remember, you go back to the universe level. You live and exist purely in the form of energy and there are no desires, no dreams, no past or future, only now.

And that’s why we like to play the game of forgetting.

After all, only in the game can we experience the ups and downs, joys and sorrows, in its illusionist form where everything can be created, from biggest peaks of humanity to worst tragedies that you can imagine and that makes all the fun in the world possible.

It is a bit reformed for the sake of better understanding for I wrote some sentences in the way that are not neither gramatically correct nor much understandable. However, this is something that occupies my mind a lot lately and hopefully, there are some individuals out there that think similary 🙂

Until next time,

Lots of love,





{Music. Kygo feat. Maty Noyes – Stay}


It’s strange how thoughts just start to follow one another. I never thought before much about romance and yet now, since coming to this magical place of London, people that I find beautiful and fascinating just keep popping up and they become gorgeous in my eyes the more I get to know them. Honestly, I don’t even know where to turn and focus, on which person to look at more. And they all equally deserve the same focus because they are all equally enchanting in their own ways. It is a hardship, but in a certain sweet kind of way if that makes sense.

Don’t know how much others experienced this transaction from one end to the other in their life, but it can be quite enlightening about what kind of person you can become and what you can do to make others happier and what kind of actions can make others sad.

But, it is actually disturbing when you realize how much we give up responsibility. Not gonna say give up control because if we really did give up control fully and enjoy whatever came to our life then it would be way easier and more fulfilling to live it. But, people always place the reason and the responsibility of their happiness on other people.

He is my boyfriend so he has to take care of me just the way I like it and I will be happy. If he doesn’t, I feel sad and that is his fault.

My mom didn’t congratulate me my birthday today so I am depressed.

My teacher didn’t praise me today so I will not study for her class anymore.

My friend didn’t text me back…


One hundred and one reason of why you feel sad and then you place the blame on others like it is their job to make you happy. Every person is responsible for only one person and one person only – and that is itself.

Every other action taken to make someone else happy is considered a gift, not an obligation. And as such, should be valued whenever given and not angered or sad when not.

Why not? Simply because if you yourself first can’t make yourself happy than no one can make you happy, not truly. Because you will always depend on that person to make you happy and that is never a way of being happy for long. Then it is fleeting and usually brings more pain than pleasure.

Also, if you can’t be happy with yourself and expect others to make you happy, you are actually putting a horrible burden on others and even worse responsibility that nobody wants and they always leave in the end because it is an impossible task to fulfill.

I honestly think that many people approach relationships wrong. They approach usually with an illusion of what the person should be and is. As they meet they adjust their perspective one way or other. Expectations follow. I’ll be stereotypical here simply to make a point, not to make it seem as if it is truly like that. A girl wants flowers before every date, guys want sex after every date. If it is not fulfilled, they don’t like it and put the blame on the other significant.

That is no way to really go about because you will always end up disappointed in the end. No one can meet your expectations fully because no one can read your mind and no should actually. Everyone is their won person and what you expect is the extension of your persona and to expect someone to fill up all the check points is impossible to achieve.

But, love… Love can change all that. Just loving, not forcing or changing anything or anyone, just feeling that joy and love. Dance and sign with it. Work and create with it changes you and later on the world for the better.

After all, there is a reason for the saying love yourself first before you can love anybody else. Well, I am not sure that is really how it goes, but the point is the important one. Once you learn to enjoy yourself, you want need others to make you feel joy. But, sharing is caring and thus sharing your joy with someone familiar will just intensify it for the better and that makes a true relationship matter all the more.





In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Always Something There to Remind Me.”


{Music. Maitre Gims – Bella}

He sees her across the lavish restaurant. The music is live and guitar can be heard clearly amongst the other instruments and singing voices. Her skin is glowing under the lights, her hair waves of chocolate and her eyes big and light, enchanting when they meet his across the room.


She moves like she is made of air and water, all smooth moves and light steps, graceful in her approach. His heart stutters when she smiles, enchanting him even more.


He doesn’t remember how they meet, so pulled in her green eyes with speckles of gold he was. He doesn’t remember what he said, only her laugh, loud and honest. It sounds even sweeter later, when she laughs low against his ear as he holds her.


He knew that they are dancing in the moments that come. He is never more grateful for having learned all the dances as the stumbling, young boy. Now, he is grateful he is no longer clumsy, so that he may follow this beauty with a grace of a swan across the dance room and reflecting lights.


She was truly beautiful, with her smoky eyed make-up, lips painted red, enhancing the fullness of them and the whiteness of her teeth. Her hair done in perfect curls as they tumbled down her open back and mocca-colored skin sprinkled lightly with a perfume he came to associate with her.


He thinks he loved her at the sight. He thinks it is possible. Even before he knew her little quirks and secrets. Even before he knew that she only loved apple pie as a dessert and refused any other sweets. That she loved spicy food and enjoyed the various cultures. That she loved to travel in a summer, but in winter liked to stay curled in her home. That she had six different laughs and he was still counting. Before he knew how beautiful she looked after taking the shower, all clean and fresh, natural in her grace and bare as she laid before him.


He loved her since the first time he seen her and he never forgets how fitting the music accompanying their first gaze was.


He thinks how lucky he is that she accepts him so, even his quiet demur where he smiles at her whenever she enters the room, but doesn’t know how to express his admiration and love so well in words as she does. But, he thinks that’s alright, because she always smiles with warmth in her eyes, making them shine when he leaves roses for her, makes her dinner or kisses her good morning. He thinks action is just as telling as words, if not more.


He thinks that she is his Bella and he is finally breathing life since he met her.

It was just too sweet not to write though since I didn’t have a radio nor my set of headphones with me, I had to relay on my playlist on my phone and shuffle it. This came up and immediately the idea formed. Hope you like it.

Song is Maitre Gims – Bella if you missed the link at the beginning.




A reminder of what we have

{Music. Ludovico Einaudi – Walk}

Air and water,

Fire and earth

Did you know that at the start of alchemy and thoughts about what the earth was made of, they thought that every element was made by the four of those. Each object was made of different combinations of four main, basic elements. Today, we know that every object is made of thousands elements and thus, the endless possibilities in our minds expanded to never-ending.

Gold and silver,

Diamonds and metals

So many elements there are, so many things that once you pay attention, you find magical and mystical in its appearance and its existence.

Mud – created from water and earth. Full of potential to help and heal.

Dust – air and earth in its beauty dances under the reflector of sun light, carrying secrets we have yet to interpret and understand.

Fog – fire and water, hiding and finding things, making everything look like the time of witching hour.

Molten lava – earth and fire, making fiery accessories across the surface of the Earth, slow and relentless, it shows how some things may come slow, but they will come, steadily and surely just like anything you do.

Stranger things did happen when air and fire collided, the power it could cause, so simple and light separated, they became a force to reckon once united.

Isn’t life beautiful in it never-ending circle or growth, creation, living and then gracefully dieing before being reborn in a new shape and joy? Sounds kinda romantic for just basic every day things, but I thinks that where the secret of life actually is. In finding the beauty over and over again in things you thought you see every day, but are different with every second.

Thoughts and free time can do wonders for your blog, you know. Just a little bit of something for all of you lovelies out there, finding time to click on this post.



A golden coin

{Music. Kygo – Firestone (& others)}

For a while, I had thoughts tumbling though my head of action and reaction. Everything you do kinda get’s back at you, and everything you do also affects others in different ways. Like waves in the oceans who glide and slide, overlap and emerge in a dance as they follow one another without a thought or conscious decision. You start one thing and it leads to a completely unexpected development. It inspired this little story here.

An older gentleman was walking down the square littered with stands filled with fresh vegetables and fruits. He came to buy his wife a bouquet of flowers as he did every Sunday for past 28 years. White lilacs, he chosen for today and wore them proudly in the crook of his arm, with a content smile on his face.

Passing a corner, he saw an elderly woman sitting on a floor, face creased in frowns and hand stretched out in an endless plea. Feeling specially inclined on that fine day, he took out a shiny golden coin and one lilac flower and gave them to the old woman with a smile peaking from his trimmed and shaped mustaches. His arm felt lighter without a large, bubbling lilac head and heart lighting up at the look of wonder and joy spreading through woman’s face making it for a slip of the second look young and child-like again, as the hooded eyes opened up in wonder, smile revealing a few missing teeth and forehead smoothing out from its saddened life struggles.

The golden coin twinkled through the leathery fingers. The gentleman tipped his hat and left. The flower withered away in a slip of the time. The coin travelled in a pocket of a dress until the woman felt hunger beyond tell and gave it in exchange of a hot meal and good night’s sleep.

The young, pimply out-of-school man slipped it in his pocket instead of the cash register. He took it home and played with it under the light’s lamp, admiring its unique shine, deciding one day he will have millions of coins like this starting immediately. The next day, as he hurried to work with new determination and plan, pushing through the hordes of people and city yells and shouts, the coin silently slipped from his pocket and flew through air in a graceful, but unseen arch and scattered around the feet of hurrying people. It finally settled once the morning rush subdued and in sudden calmness it’s light attracted a young woman’s eye. She picked it up and decided it is a sign. You see, that day she had a job interview that she wasn’t sure she wanted to even go to, purely for the reason of thinking she wasn’t adequate enough. The lucky coin gave her a sign to not, after all, change her mind and call her friend to spend the day moaning and whining away.

She shouldered her bag full with her art and portfolio and headed to a new possibility. She twisted and turned the lucky coin in her palm through the whole thing and when three days later, she got a phone call that she is accepted, kissed the coin and run down to the fountain at the small square on which her balcony looked over. With a wide smile she flicked it in the air and watched its descend into the clear water surrounded by marble and wished it to bring luck to somebody just as it did to her.

The coin happily shined along with others numberless coins at the bottom of the fountain.

Seconds or hours later, curious boy leaned over the edge and spied the golden coin. When his mother wasn’t looking, quickly as a kitten, he reached out and took it, mindful to take no other. Raising it towards the sky, his eyes sparkled at finding such treasure just like all those pirates did in stories his mama read him. He took it home with him, inspecting it every now and then, caressing the smooth flat surface with small engravement of a butterfly and caterpillar on the other.

It stayed with him until one day, a boy’s mother refused to buy him a new toy. Defiant ad angry at a such an abrupt and unexpected rejection, he stepped up to the counter, laying the toy and the coin with an angry pout. The cashier raised its eyebrows, but inspecting the coin, approved and wrapped the toy much to the child’s delight and mother’s confusion.

The coin shortly lived in a darkness of the register for the other time it opened, it was taken out for an exchange of a largely quota bill and given to smiling old grandma and was put in a small purse.

The old grandma had a granddaughter who she loved dearly and always gave her something at the end of her visit.

This visit she set her down and started her flow of wise and gentle words.

“My dear, whatever you do, do it with kindness and honest heart. Wherever you go, bring joy rather than sorrow. Accept change for it walks hand in hand with both life and death and it is their best friend. Learning is a gift to appreciate and sharing is a way of love. Love is a jewel when found demanding to be nourished and cherished with beautiful thoughts and small joys, not smothered by petty jealousies and resentments. Be strong, kind and positive for than beauty will fall through your eyes and your heart will heal others. Whatever you do, do it your best, even if you don’t like it. Wherever you go, go with open heart and understanding mind. Those, child, are the secrets to a wonderful life. And this is to remind you of that every day until it is engraved in foundations of your life.”, and she took the coin out and gave it to the young granddaughter with a smile. “My dear, love is all we got and a smile never hurted anybody.”

What if we all had a small coin that gleaned and reminded us of a joy that life can be?

With love and coins,



I truly feel sometimes like my head is in the clouds, running about without an anchor. It is a mess when I try to find a way out and put it together in order and sense. And it is mostly that way because I want to be free and light as a feather, going through life, but many demand you down on the ground, firm and sound, with clear answers and learned words of a textbook.


Heart tells you one thing, but people tell you another.
“Get a job!”, society yells.
“Do what you love!”, shouts the heart

Where to turn, where to go?
You have a guidebook to getting a job to pay the bills, but it is a story told once too many times to make think about taking it on.
Stepping off the well worn path is terrifying for easily you can get lost in dreams you think are happening and not in what life offers around you.


I only wish that people would have more understanding and logic to let you live and not try to put you in chains that pull you to death like a sinking boat in a storm.

Where would you go if you can? What would you do with your life?


I would want to be Indiana Jones, honestly. But more elegant about that.

Rumblings about life at one in the morning. Very classy way to success…

What is your life for?

{Music. Neon Hitch – Gucci Gucci}       

{Pictures – street artist Banksy}

When I was a child, I wanted to be many things. Now I realise those dreams were greatly influenced by television and people around me. I wanted to become a lawyer for I saw many movies with amazing and confident lawyers. I wanted to become assassin because it seemed like a such a free lifestyle with adventure as demonstrated by Mr. & Mrs. Smith.  I wanted to be an archeologist when I saw the Mummy. Wanted to be an explorer and a smart person when I admired Indiana Jones.

I was influenced, just like everyone around me. It is debatable now is it a good or a bad thing, but for me not one dream stayed. Since I started meditating, it is like all illusions I had started to fall apart. It caused for some greatly confused moments where I felt as lost as Lassie on its way home.

In high school we were asked what we would like to be. What would we want to study? I thought I had some idea at the beginning, maybe art school or movie school, but as time passed, such thoughts lessened for I couldn’t see myself in not one role for certain. I couldn’t say anymore – I wanted to be a movie director. Because, I realised I wasn’t made to be stuck in one role in life. I didn’t want that. Life doesn’t work that way. It is much too unpredictable to make plans and follow the protocol of the system and have it all go by the rules.


And the system? The system is terrible! Just look at it objectively. A child before school will not stop asking you questions about life. Everything he or she sees will find new and curious. They are full of energy and life. Yet, as the school starts and demands to follow the book, you shall see that joy of learning lessening and a struggle beginning. Slowly, that child will lose joy for learning, lose curiosity and will be criticised if it dreams too much or lives in its own world. If it can’t stand still, it will be diagnosed with ADHD and given pills. How is that normal? Children have lots of energy, it is normal, something that should be understood and let be, not trying to be fixed so that it can be just as everybody else. God forbid, a child tries to think on its own creatively and ask a teacher about it. Oh no, if it isn’t like that in the book it isn’t right. Nobody is made to sit still and repeat what it is written in the book, we were made for running and breathing and exploring on foot, living with nature, not amongst concrete walls.

And then that child grows. Becomes an adult that is now allowed to think on its own, but only slightly. Because, you still have to listen to your boss and to your government. You mustn’t question their orders, no matter how absurd they might seem. And to distract you from thinking too much about their actions, you are given an Iphone, a tv filled with movies and tv shows that project the same program you are living and mustn’t stray from. And if you get bored with them, don’t worry, every few months something new will come to distract you. A new fashion season that you absolutely must have, or a new computer model that you can’t live without. Don’t forget that new game that comes out this fall! Or a new app that is to die for. You must be In because it is so important to follow the trends displayed to you.


And no matter how miserable it might make you, how depressed, they won’t bother to do anything and shall diagnose it with middle-age crisis and thousands of others names instead of telling the truth. The life style offered to use makes us unhappy because it isn’t normal to go to the work that you don’t like, to live on junk food that destroys your body and makes you sick with time, to feel stressed and unhappy and is given pills for that because that is an only solution.

And the jobs? They need accountants so they promise it as a secure job. But, nothing is secure in this world. Anybody who lived life will know that. You can’t plan ahead no matter how much you calculate. Because when you think you have it all figured out, the life will flip the board and make it a chaos in your head once again. And nobody is the same, yet we are all forced into a same shape of a person, same life-style, same way of learning and same way of living. And you won’t be able to fit in it, not completely. And because of that, of trying to be something that isn’t you, but a programme put in your head that it must be so, you shall start to feel depressed, alone, confused and genuinely unhappy and you shall start to lash out in some way.

I learned that every dream I had about what person I could be isn’t something I truly wanted. If tomorrow someone offers me to be a movie star, I wouldn’t turn it down, but it wouldn’t be something that I would fight tooth and nail to get to be. Not one of those shapes of lifestyle offered to us I find desirable. Because I realised that not one of those lifestyles really gives you freedom. You have to let life decide, you have to be adjustable and agreeable with a strange flow of life because you can’t fight against it.


You, every one of you, tried to be exactly as shown in a movie or a tv show or a book and guess what, not one of you felt a true satisfaction at being that perfect illusion and you aren’t here to be perfect copies of some commercial. Because, tell me honestly, are you truly happy with your life? With your job, with your mind, with your knowledge, with the way you lead your life, with your success, with your family? And is all that as perfect as it is in a movie?


Tell me something. If you had a choice to do whatever you want in life and nobody demands anything of you, would you really go to college and have a stressful and sleepless lifestyle while attending it? Would you really wish for a secure job? Would you really want that large tv screen if it wasn’t shown in a commercial as a must have? I bet you wouldn’t. But, we are told again and again that it is how it must be so we start to believe it. I know what most people think when they read this “This one dreams too much, thinks life should be a fairytale. Wake up and get a job, stop wasting out time.”

Guess what, you are wasting your life to go to a job that makes you miserable so you can pay the bills so that you can go to work. Is that really a point of your life? To survive and then die like little soldiers that nobody will remember in the end?

If I am going to be become something I shall become it because life took me down that road, opened me that doors. I will make my life and I will trust life to take me where I need to go. Because I will arrive there either way, better go willingly.

I do not wish to be another individual in the crowd that comes from work and bemoans her job and her boss then get up again and go to work to the same thing all over again. Why are we doing that? If we are unhappy with this type of life being led, why do we help keeping it alive? Why are we so fanatic about the system collapsing when the system wasn’t even that good in the beginning?

More and more, I am astonished at how this life works and more and more I wish to find alternative to another life, one that I can be proud of living and say that I don’t regret not one day, good or bad.

I would like to hear your thoughts? Do you find some truth in all this or do you think I am wrong? What would you do if failure wasn’t an option and speak from the heart, not a programme you saw on a tv.