Dreams of goals

Weed confession – I never really put it here that I tend to smoke from time to time. Mind you, my approach to it is either smoke for few days in a row, when I feel it  and then not smoke for a while. But, I tend to be like that with everyting in my life, so this is no suprise. I suppose I thought that people would feel against it and as such, wouldn’t wish to be part of this anymore, no matter how small it currently is. But, my conclusion about life right now is that honesty is the best policy.

The thing that I also found that weed can make my brain go in overdrive, thinking more deeply about things than really necessary for anyone who doesn’t like to complicate their lives. Me, for better or worse, do tend to do that. But, what I really wanted to share today is a short confession that I wrote that kinda describes my deeper current mindset which happened when I was high, thus he first paragraph.

I don’t wish to be succesful just,

I want to reach for the stars

Feel how it is to be a star

For she is made of what I am made of.

Not just see the wild waves and pass them through on my way to school

I want to feel them as I feel myself,

Totally and completely.

If that is not fullfilled, the ultimate happiness of living, how can I be happy?

Even if I have a success in business, the joy won’t be full because I would feel the emptiness

That only one with everything

remembering that I am a creator and planets,

birds and oak trees,

all that is, is me, as well.

Light and God,

One and everything.

That I am part of this energy that is everything and all.

It is the ultimate power, the ultimate truth.

And you truly know this,

And once you feel it and know by heart,

Then your conciousness and your mind will automatically know it, as well.

But, knowing intelectually is not all there is.

In fact, it is a lower level of knowing – learned theory, one that you may or may not apply in life and what use is that?

A level that you need, but is not enough.

However, it will happen on its own accord, you will know intelectually of itself if you know it first by feeling it, by breathing it, by living the truth.

Which is a joy to know, for now you can skip thousands of books

Who all tell you in the end the same truth.

Just live and be lived through,

Life wants to flow

Don’t stop it with fear spready by a mad society.

Let yourself live as a god on earth in a sense that what you think you become and that is ultimate godhood and so become true to your heritage.

Only that is the truth.

And only that matters.

We used to forget for we were playing and we wanted to take the play to the next level.

Now, we are stuck in this play for a moment of time.

And once we reach the truth again

We’ll probably want to forget again for it is the nature of play  and it is the only way that you can have the illusion of free will and free choice.

Only when you are cut of the whole, or better to say, your mind forgets it is part of the whole, can there be created an illusion of existence as a individual unit, Of self, of a personality that you use to function in this world of society and this form of existence.

But, once you remember, you go back to the universe level. You live and exist purely in the form of energy and there are no desires, no dreams, no past or future, only now.

And that’s why we like to play the game of forgetting.

After all, only in the game can we experience the ups and downs, joys and sorrows, in its illusionist form where everything can be created, from biggest peaks of humanity to worst tragedies that you can imagine and that makes all the fun in the world possible.

It is a bit reformed for the sake of better understanding for I wrote some sentences in the way that are not neither gramatically correct nor much understandable. However, this is something that occupies my mind a lot lately and hopefully, there are some individuals out there that think similary 🙂

Until next time,

Lots of love,





A reminder of what we have

{Music. Ludovico Einaudi – Walk}

Air and water,

Fire and earth

Did you know that at the start of alchemy and thoughts about what the earth was made of, they thought that every element was made by the four of those. Each object was made of different combinations of four main, basic elements. Today, we know that every object is made of thousands elements and thus, the endless possibilities in our minds expanded to never-ending.

Gold and silver,

Diamonds and metals

So many elements there are, so many things that once you pay attention, you find magical and mystical in its appearance and its existence.

Mud – created from water and earth. Full of potential to help and heal.

Dust – air and earth in its beauty dances under the reflector of sun light, carrying secrets we have yet to interpret and understand.

Fog – fire and water, hiding and finding things, making everything look like the time of witching hour.

Molten lava – earth and fire, making fiery accessories across the surface of the Earth, slow and relentless, it shows how some things may come slow, but they will come, steadily and surely just like anything you do.

Stranger things did happen when air and fire collided, the power it could cause, so simple and light separated, they became a force to reckon once united.

Isn’t life beautiful in it never-ending circle or growth, creation, living and then gracefully dieing before being reborn in a new shape and joy? Sounds kinda romantic for just basic every day things, but I thinks that where the secret of life actually is. In finding the beauty over and over again in things you thought you see every day, but are different with every second.

Thoughts and free time can do wonders for your blog, you know. Just a little bit of something for all of you lovelies out there, finding time to click on this post.



College, colleg, colle, colle, coll, col, co, c…….

{Music. Vacation – Vitamin C}

The doom of my existence to be honest. Why? Well, when you get asked about college all the time you are lucky if you have a ready answer in where are you attending and what year and how many tests you dealt with. But, when you, you know, aren’t you get into a bit of a spot when you have to explain your lengthy reasoning to people who won’t really understand. And that’s why I hate small talk. Because my decision isn’t based on a short thinking, it is based on the long research and rethinking and simply feeling different about it. You can’t explain it as much as it deserves to be explained with just few words.

But, I guess you are wondering now why on Earth someone doesn’t really want to go to college. It is absurd after all, because how do you expect to get a job, start a career if you didn’t spend 3-5 years in an institute to finish with a glossy piece of paper and a ridiculous looking hat on top of you.

Because I talked to a lot of people who did get into college and actually, finished it. From successful to not so successful. And every single one of them know that college isn’t the major stepping stone to success or anything really. Because, they would finish college and end up making a career from something completely different. They would study for hours, killing their nerves and screwing up their metabolism to get a degree in which they, in the end, didn’t get a job nor were interested anymore some 5 years later. And how smart is that? What good do you have now that you have a degree saying you are ready to start your journalism career, but there is some schmuck who spent the last 4 years of his life which you spent in college, building up his audience by working small jobs, and keeping up a serious blog or working in a newspaper and thus got tons of life experience. So, what is more useful and more productive in the long run?


That is one of the major reason why I don’t feel inclined to go to college. The second is that I hate school system. I think it is basic brainwashing and that they give you one straight view on how to look at something and leave you with that, calling it an education. Third is an addition to the second and it is that I hate deadlines. Like, I hate when they put a book before me and say Read it, the test is in two months. You could give me a year, I probably won’t open it beyond writing my name in or simply doodling in boredom if even that. More likely outcome is that it would end up buried under a pile of dust and somewhere in a corner, so far that Narnia would seem near. But, if I picked that same book because I myself picked it up and didn’t have any deadline, I just wanted to learn what it contained, than it would be done in a week or less.

See, not a college girl material here. Also, I change my mind a lot. Or better to say, I want to learn many things at the same time. You can’t study drama, explore spirituality and travel the world at the same time if you are attending college. Workshops are my saviors to be honest. Not while this above is pretty harsh and sounds all doled up, it doesn’t mean I will never go to college or some school out there. Only that it will take more than the usual motivational speech given to high school kids to get here. All in all, chances are a bit slim.


Now, that I finally got this out in the world, next time anyone asks me anything about college, I will just give them a link to this post. Though, I just have to comment, it is a wonder how people think that they need to give you advice. Like, I didn’t ask for it, for you to have a semi-worried face and then thousands suggestions. Why do people do that? Yet, when you ask them about their life, they have thousands of problems they eagerly talk about (and they finished college, see it doesn’t solve anything) and zero suggestions that they could follow to solve them.

So, to stop here, in a dramatic end of my teenage rebellion (mind you, I will consider myself a child until I am at least 80, than I am a wise one) and wish you a lovely day.

Child-like kisses,


P.S. This is definitely me parenting. So… don’t give me children to raise unless you want a rebellion on your hands