Dreams of goals

Weed confession – I never really put it here that I tend to smoke from time to time. Mind you, my approach to it is either smoke for few days in a row, when I feel it  and then not smoke for a while. But, I tend to be like that with everyting in my life, so this is no suprise. I suppose I thought that people would feel against it and as such, wouldn’t wish to be part of this anymore, no matter how small it currently is. But, my conclusion about life right now is that honesty is the best policy.

The thing that I also found that weed can make my brain go in overdrive, thinking more deeply about things than really necessary for anyone who doesn’t like to complicate their lives. Me, for better or worse, do tend to do that. But, what I really wanted to share today is a short confession that I wrote that kinda describes my deeper current mindset which happened when I was high, thus he first paragraph.

I don’t wish to be succesful just,

I want to reach for the stars

Feel how it is to be a star

For she is made of what I am made of.

Not just see the wild waves and pass them through on my way to school

I want to feel them as I feel myself,

Totally and completely.

If that is not fullfilled, the ultimate happiness of living, how can I be happy?

Even if I have a success in business, the joy won’t be full because I would feel the emptiness

That only one with everything

remembering that I am a creator and planets,

birds and oak trees,

all that is, is me, as well.

Light and God,

One and everything.

That I am part of this energy that is everything and all.

It is the ultimate power, the ultimate truth.

And you truly know this,

And once you feel it and know by heart,

Then your conciousness and your mind will automatically know it, as well.

But, knowing intelectually is not all there is.

In fact, it is a lower level of knowing – learned theory, one that you may or may not apply in life and what use is that?

A level that you need, but is not enough.

However, it will happen on its own accord, you will know intelectually of itself if you know it first by feeling it, by breathing it, by living the truth.

Which is a joy to know, for now you can skip thousands of books

Who all tell you in the end the same truth.

Just live and be lived through,

Life wants to flow

Don’t stop it with fear spready by a mad society.

Let yourself live as a god on earth in a sense that what you think you become and that is ultimate godhood and so become true to your heritage.

Only that is the truth.

And only that matters.

We used to forget for we were playing and we wanted to take the play to the next level.

Now, we are stuck in this play for a moment of time.

And once we reach the truth again

We’ll probably want to forget again for it is the nature of play  and it is the only way that you can have the illusion of free will and free choice.

Only when you are cut of the whole, or better to say, your mind forgets it is part of the whole, can there be created an illusion of existence as a individual unit, Of self, of a personality that you use to function in this world of society and this form of existence.

But, once you remember, you go back to the universe level. You live and exist purely in the form of energy and there are no desires, no dreams, no past or future, only now.

And that’s why we like to play the game of forgetting.

After all, only in the game can we experience the ups and downs, joys and sorrows, in its illusionist form where everything can be created, from biggest peaks of humanity to worst tragedies that you can imagine and that makes all the fun in the world possible.

It is a bit reformed for the sake of better understanding for I wrote some sentences in the way that are not neither gramatically correct nor much understandable. However, this is something that occupies my mind a lot lately and hopefully, there are some individuals out there that think similary 🙂

Until next time,

Lots of love,

Eli

 

 

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{Music. Avicii – Dear Boy}

A little poem for all those that dreamed of loves that never came to pass, but still love the memory of it.

And for those who did 😉

It took ten days for her to fall in love. It took ten seconds for her to fall out of it.

She liked his long eyelashes and sly curving smile. Liked the way he spoke and the mimics of his face.
What he strived for and what he dreamed off. Made her want more for herself as well.

He was two worlds in one and she never wanted more to uncover both of them as much as she did in those 10 days of her bliss.

Lack of laughs, contact and phone calls made it die away, like a flower in the wake of frozen rain, falling apart, turning into the dust until only the memory of the name remained.

But that’s alright, because in life, she learned, you sometimes need only few dreams to change you for the better and few seconds to wish yourself a better individual forever.

Inspiration, what is that?

{Music. Three wishes by the Pierces}

I come here and look at the screen.

I think of what to say. I do not wish to bombard you with pointless, everyday things. Things that I wouldn’t remember after three days. And than, I started thinking, what am I writing about in general. What is the spark that is the main theme of this blog? What brings you here? And I realized, I don’t have the answer.

It seems I am changing so rapidly, so fast, that I can’t keep the main theme, as it slipped away as if it was a bird in a cage, finally being set free, leaving me with only a shell of what it once contained.

Can’t go through a lot with just a shell, can you?

Don’t know why I am even writing this to be honest. It isn’t like it is terribly interesting.

I work at a hotel for now and it is amazing that the afternoon shift can be as boring as hell (though, for us, artsy types, a piece of paper or a book is all that is needed to chase away the boredom, or better yet, a free Wi-fi) yet once I started writing this, in less than 5 minutes, two phone calls. It is like a universe telling me, please who cares?

Though, I also take it kinda like a challenge. Just because you are stopping me, my desire to write kinda increases. Funny thing, what can inspired motivation.

So, an update. Been working on my graphic design skills so here is an example

beauty three wishesMind you, I say I’ve been working on it not that it is perfect.

woman     Paris, Paris, the mystery for me,

I admire your streets and movie stars walking under your lights,

Elegance and beauty, like cashmere soft as it covered the

bloodshed of the past

Filled with your language, I stopped understanding them, but

they got that much more beautiful

Women with sharp faces, so enchanting in their wake

And man with their charming smiles and sweet words

How I wish to visit you all,

Explore the life of erotic love and sweet promises that is Paris.

Guess I really don’t know where to go exactly. We shall see. From every mess, clarity comes so I am counting on that.

Kisses

Ellie