Airports beliefs

I feel the best when I am just going on a trip. I don’t like packing to be honest. All the thinking and rethinking, making it fit in one small suitcase is just terrible. But when you start to head to the airport… Well, now that is the other story. A sense of calm overcomes me every time, makes me feel centered and on point. Nothing can disturb me there no matter how chaotic it is. Cancellation flight, nervous people, rushing and ques. All is good then, i have no troubles with the world. It is the stagnation, the placement in one place all the time that makes me nervous, jittery and an absolute nightmare to deal with sometimes. At least I feel like that. All this people, so many of them and so different yet all with the same goal – of going somewhere else. It creates something wonderful, I believe. A certain specialness that is hard to top anywhere else. After all, the airport can be the happiest place on earth. Place where you reunite with family, old friends and lovers. Where you find new people and start on new journey’s. Quite a wonder to exist isn’t it? It is a place where you let go of the old to get to new point. Where new points become old ones and old ones new. It is this rediscovering process that when fully appreciated and consciously experienced, can be magical for your soul, body and mind.
I feel the best when I am just going on a trip. I don’t like packing to be honest. All the thinking and rethinking, making it fit in one small suitcase is just terrible. But when you start to head to the airport… Well, now that is the other story. A sense of calm overcomes me every time, makes me feel centered and on point. Nothing can disturb me there no matter how chaotic it is. Cancellation flight, nervous people, rushing and ques. All is good then, i have no troubles with the world. It is the stagnation, the placement in one place all the time that makes me nervous, jittery and an absolute nightmare to deal with sometimes. At least I feel like that. All this people, so many of them and so different yet all with the same goal – of going somewhere else. It creates something wonderful, I believe. A certain specialness that is hard to top anywhere else. After all, the airport can be the happiest place on earth. Place where you reunite with family, old friends and lovers. Where you find new people and start on new journey’s. Quite a wonder to exist isn’t it? It is a place where you let go of the old to get to new point. Where new points become old ones and old ones new. It is this rediscovering process that when fully appreciated and consciously experienced, can be magical for your soul, body and mind.

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{Music. Kygo feat. Maty Noyes – Stay}

 

It’s strange how thoughts just start to follow one another. I never thought before much about romance and yet now, since coming to this magical place of London, people that I find beautiful and fascinating just keep popping up and they become gorgeous in my eyes the more I get to know them. Honestly, I don’t even know where to turn and focus, on which person to look at more. And they all equally deserve the same focus because they are all equally enchanting in their own ways. It is a hardship, but in a certain sweet kind of way if that makes sense.

Don’t know how much others experienced this transaction from one end to the other in their life, but it can be quite enlightening about what kind of person you can become and what you can do to make others happier and what kind of actions can make others sad.

But, it is actually disturbing when you realize how much we give up responsibility. Not gonna say give up control because if we really did give up control fully and enjoy whatever came to our life then it would be way easier and more fulfilling to live it. But, people always place the reason and the responsibility of their happiness on other people.

He is my boyfriend so he has to take care of me just the way I like it and I will be happy. If he doesn’t, I feel sad and that is his fault.

My mom didn’t congratulate me my birthday today so I am depressed.

My teacher didn’t praise me today so I will not study for her class anymore.

My friend didn’t text me back…

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One hundred and one reason of why you feel sad and then you place the blame on others like it is their job to make you happy. Every person is responsible for only one person and one person only – and that is itself.

Every other action taken to make someone else happy is considered a gift, not an obligation. And as such, should be valued whenever given and not angered or sad when not.

Why not? Simply because if you yourself first can’t make yourself happy than no one can make you happy, not truly. Because you will always depend on that person to make you happy and that is never a way of being happy for long. Then it is fleeting and usually brings more pain than pleasure.

Also, if you can’t be happy with yourself and expect others to make you happy, you are actually putting a horrible burden on others and even worse responsibility that nobody wants and they always leave in the end because it is an impossible task to fulfill.

I honestly think that many people approach relationships wrong. They approach usually with an illusion of what the person should be and is. As they meet they adjust their perspective one way or other. Expectations follow. I’ll be stereotypical here simply to make a point, not to make it seem as if it is truly like that. A girl wants flowers before every date, guys want sex after every date. If it is not fulfilled, they don’t like it and put the blame on the other significant.

That is no way to really go about because you will always end up disappointed in the end. No one can meet your expectations fully because no one can read your mind and no should actually. Everyone is their won person and what you expect is the extension of your persona and to expect someone to fill up all the check points is impossible to achieve.

But, love… Love can change all that. Just loving, not forcing or changing anything or anyone, just feeling that joy and love. Dance and sign with it. Work and create with it changes you and later on the world for the better.

After all, there is a reason for the saying love yourself first before you can love anybody else. Well, I am not sure that is really how it goes, but the point is the important one. Once you learn to enjoy yourself, you want need others to make you feel joy. But, sharing is caring and thus sharing your joy with someone familiar will just intensify it for the better and that makes a true relationship matter all the more.

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{Music. Eiffel 65 – Blue (KNY Factory Remix}

You would think the world is at fault with how much things can go wrong and how much we complain about it. But, since coming here, I became certain in two things in my life.

One – every situation that you find yourself in is defined by your way of looking into things and colouring them with your own perception, emotions and beliefs of life. So, if you are in a very bad position, it is due to your mind perception of a said situation. The situation simply is, if it is bad or not depends entirely on you. Because you will be the one who perceives it as it, so you can also change your perspectivness of it. So, basically, with enough flexibility and control to exercise it, you can change your surroundings simply by changing the way you look at them. Many people wish for happy feelings and when they feel uncomfortable or not completely content, they declare that situation bad.

Everything bad can become good. Same for good. Which brings me to my second conclusion.

Second thing is that if you are constantly failing at something or the things don’t work out the way you believed it should, the universe is simply giving you disguised directions. That way doesn’t work, try the other way, quite simple if you think about it. You just have to listen, pay attention to things that work out, the way you are doing something which in the end gives your result and then you will know which way and how to go. After all, you need to arrive somewhere and the energy that you put into something, even if it doesn’t work out, has to at one point come back to you. If you are starting a business or trying something new and it isn’t work out, it is alright. The effort you put into will be repaid in some ways later on. Simply because you toughened up through the difficult experience, it means that later on it will definitely be easier. It is a most known law of action and reaction. And the universe directs you in a bit of difficult way to the point where you need to go so that things become easier.

So, failure and the ability to adjust are your way of maturing to something better. It is all in the mind. So, if you control how the world around you can look, imagine how beautiful and magical you can make it happen. And what fun it is to actually play a game we call life. You just have to get up every day and start playing it and you won’t need this words to believe me, you will know it yourself.

Love and all the best in playing the game

Ellie

 

 

{Music. Avicii – Dear Boy}

A little poem for all those that dreamed of loves that never came to pass, but still love the memory of it.

And for those who did 😉

It took ten days for her to fall in love. It took ten seconds for her to fall out of it.

She liked his long eyelashes and sly curving smile. Liked the way he spoke and the mimics of his face.
What he strived for and what he dreamed off. Made her want more for herself as well.

He was two worlds in one and she never wanted more to uncover both of them as much as she did in those 10 days of her bliss.

Lack of laughs, contact and phone calls made it die away, like a flower in the wake of frozen rain, falling apart, turning into the dust until only the memory of the name remained.

But that’s alright, because in life, she learned, you sometimes need only few dreams to change you for the better and few seconds to wish yourself a better individual forever.

Life is weird and so am I

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So, the blog is becoming a diary it seems as today is a recap of my day.
I woke up wonderful, finally rested after a week of constant work in a restaurant where I found a job as a waitress for a minimal wage so that I could stay in London.
Today I had a interview for a better paid job and was really looking forward to it. I mean really looking forward to it.

I woke up, my friends who took me in already off on their University’s and I stayed with a lovely cat, Mimi. Shower, meditation, laundry and food with a bit of book reading passed my time until 3 o’clock when I had to leave to get to the interview at 4 o’clock.

So, here is a thing, when you go to such interview you have to have a proof of living somewhere. Mine was a gas bill. Now, I would love to say that the cat slept on it or something and I didn’t see it but the simple fact is that I forgot it as I was leaving.
I was walking down the street from my house, happy that I won’t be late when I was hit with the thought ‘the gas bill!’
I think I kinda creeped out the guy that walked behind me when I suddenly stopped, grabbed my head and started muttering “fuck, fuck, fuck, fucking fuck”

Now, you would probably say, no worries, just go back and take it, you’ll be late ten minutes, but oh well. Ha! As if.

See, I am a guest in the flat not a flatmate which in translation means that I have no key to get back in. Some would pose a question ‘how the heck do you lock the door when you leave?’
The doors have some kind of very secure lock that automatically locks behind you. You need a key to get in, nothing else gets past them.

I believe it was the universe itself that made me shut the window that day, but not actually pulling the handle in place and locking it.

Here’s a thing. The apartment is in the building on the first floor. Right in front of that window is the roof of the ground apartment and thus an access to crazy ass people like me. Problem is, it is still too tall to just climb the bare wall and I would need a ladder, but I admit, sometimes I am just plain crazy in my decisions and plans that others would simply deem foolish. Plus, absolutely everybody knows that I am as clumsy as they come and I have no idea how everybody survived around me as I carry a tray with food and drinks about (FIY, I only had two accidents in this week and a half that I work which I think is contratibuted to my lucky star in the sky).
Keep in my mind that I left the cat in the flat (she ain’t really our cat, she just moved in so we have to let her out when we leave so she doesn’t piss somewhere) as I expected my friends to be back by 5pm and she slept so peacefully I didn’t have a heart to push her out. Big mistake as I read the text on my phone when I left that they won’t be back until after 9pm. So, I needed to get the gas bill and get the cat out.
I still don’t know how I managed it. My mind just started supplying me with half okay ideas on how to get in and I didn’t think much about it before I did them.
I just know that I grabbed a trash box by the entrance and pushed it against the wall. Heaven knows how I didn’t freak out the neighbors with the noise enough to get them to check what the hell is dragging a trash can about. I was kinda hoping someone would get out so I could ask for a ladder. Nobody came,unfortunately (or fortunately?).
The trash can didn’t work. My head just reached the top of the roof which is flat and had nothing to grab on.
But, there is a small wall by the ground flat which is supposed to part away the road and parking of the building from the supposed garden which only has grass and a tree in it. The wall isn’t wide in length, to be clear. However, everything was welcome in that moment.
So, I climbed the wall, pulled the trash can on it and tried to balance it somehow. Let me tell you, it certainly wasn’t balanced enough that anyone would tell you ‘come, hop on, it is as safe as it can be’ it was secure enough at best and I was somehow on it in seconds. I somehow managed to push my bag on the roof and was looking how to pull myself up as well. Twice the trash box almost went off from my feet. I somehow grabbed and pulled myself up and I still wonder how the heck haven’t I broke my neck. Off I went to the window, opened it and jumped in like some kind of ninja. I didn’t freak out the neighbour’s, but I certainly did freak out the cat. She looked at me with eyes clearly saying “What is wrong with you?” I wonder, as well.

Kick the cat out – check (it was very gentle in practice). Grab the bill – checked.
Get to the interview – fail of outmost failures.
Off I went, puffing and thinking fanatically on how to get.
Anyone who lives in London knows how bloody big it is and how you need to leave at least an hour time to get somewhere on time. I had 20 minutes. Citymapper, a wonderful, lovely app that I love fully and unconditionally only had one option on how to get to place in 20 min. Call a cab. Call an Uber cab for which you need an app on your phone because the London is so advanced that calling the cab the usual way – by phone – is so out of fashion.
Anyone that knows me even a little bit will know that I never have memory on my phone because it is crowded by photos and editing apps. I think I deleted about a dozen apps that I need to get back online in my attempt to download the app for the taxi. Only, my darling phone is a bit of a grandpa lately and didn’t get the notification that there is space being created for Uber taxi app. Only thing he had to say to me after deleting dozen of apps is sorry, storage space too full. Reseting didn’t jog his calculation back on track either.
When technology doesn’t work, you turn towards something else – kindness of people. I hate to do that to be honest.
So I stopped about five people with a question can they call me a cab until finally a lady I stopped had an app for it. It wasn’t Uber, it was a Cabbie, but I wasn’t picky. It was so wonderful that somebody actually wished to waste 10 minutes to call a cab for a stranger. The lady said it will be in 11 minutes and will cost me 15 pounds. I was willing to give 30 pounds at that moment to be there on time.
I waited for 18 minutes, looking about, flinching at every horn that sounded until I gave up and run for the Kentish Town station to get on the tube. The main reason I didn’t want to go on tube was because of being late, now it was my only option which I knew. I managed to get there in 25 minutes from one part of town to the other. Only, I was late 40 minutes and wasn’t let in. Only thing I got was that to call them for the reschedulment of the interview. I doubt they’ll let me come back, but here’s what I learned – the Old Street part of town is lovely and I like it a lot, I need to start writing things that I need down before leaving the house, start way earlier when going somewhere and Starbucks is a savior.  I dragged myself about, ready to head to the university to get the keys from my friends so I could get in the flat cuz I shut the window and wasn’t ready ro repeat it that soon when the Starbucks showed it’s presence on the corner of the street. Chai tea latte and carrot cake actually do help calm your mood.

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I don’t recommend climbing the roofs for anybody. It makes you sweaty and certainly isn’t fun if you fall. I do recommend Starbucks though it is an expansive mother chucker.
Hope your day was a bit more calmer and restful then mine
Until next time…
Love,
Elli

London / a mix of thoughts

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London is a stunning mixture of old values and manners of thinking represented in a modern way of communication and functioning in the world. That is to say, it is a place where new things can grow while old ones remain – a balance rarely seen anywhere.

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Change here is not stopped or denied. It is taken in stride and adds up to the solid foundation of this lifestyle. I personally believe that the adaptivity is the most important thing in remaining a successful and wealthy in whichever form you wish to express it.
This has been a rather large cultural shock, as well, for someone who grew up in a different environment and mindset. It sits quite well with me what is happening here. People are approachable, helpful and kind to smile back to you which brings up motivation, a belief that people can be wonderful creatures if given a chance, freedom and kindness.

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War, I believe, has poisoned Croatia too much for it to come as easy as it does here. We are taught to complain, yet scarcely to do anything about it. To sigh, but not to get up on our feet and call for change. To occupy ourselves with petty gossip, but never ask right questions to our government.

It is a sad combination of turning a blind eye and willing yourself to a lazy creature of bitterness that we soon become.
The Britain is a different story. One I haven’t completely uncovered so I do not trust myself to speak about it untill I do.
The bottom line of this little post is that should you ever wish to see a functioning mechanism that results in power and achievement, go to London and the streets alone will show the country of kings and queens.

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