{Music. Kygo feat. Maty Noyes – Stay}


It’s strange how thoughts just start to follow one another. I never thought before much about romance and yet now, since coming to this magical place of London, people that I find beautiful and fascinating just keep popping up and they become gorgeous in my eyes the more I get to know them. Honestly, I don’t even know where to turn and focus, on which person to look at more. And they all equally deserve the same focus because they are all equally enchanting in their own ways. It is a hardship, but in a certain sweet kind of way if that makes sense.

Don’t know how much others experienced this transaction from one end to the other in their life, but it can be quite enlightening about what kind of person you can become and what you can do to make others happier and what kind of actions can make others sad.

But, it is actually disturbing when you realize how much we give up responsibility. Not gonna say give up control because if we really did give up control fully and enjoy whatever came to our life then it would be way easier and more fulfilling to live it. But, people always place the reason and the responsibility of their happiness on other people.

He is my boyfriend so he has to take care of me just the way I like it and I will be happy. If he doesn’t, I feel sad and that is his fault.

My mom didn’t congratulate me my birthday today so I am depressed.

My teacher didn’t praise me today so I will not study for her class anymore.

My friend didn’t text me back…


One hundred and one reason of why you feel sad and then you place the blame on others like it is their job to make you happy. Every person is responsible for only one person and one person only – and that is itself.

Every other action taken to make someone else happy is considered a gift, not an obligation. And as such, should be valued whenever given and not angered or sad when not.

Why not? Simply because if you yourself first can’t make yourself happy than no one can make you happy, not truly. Because you will always depend on that person to make you happy and that is never a way of being happy for long. Then it is fleeting and usually brings more pain than pleasure.

Also, if you can’t be happy with yourself and expect others to make you happy, you are actually putting a horrible burden on others and even worse responsibility that nobody wants and they always leave in the end because it is an impossible task to fulfill.

I honestly think that many people approach relationships wrong. They approach usually with an illusion of what the person should be and is. As they meet they adjust their perspective one way or other. Expectations follow. I’ll be stereotypical here simply to make a point, not to make it seem as if it is truly like that. A girl wants flowers before every date, guys want sex after every date. If it is not fulfilled, they don’t like it and put the blame on the other significant.

That is no way to really go about because you will always end up disappointed in the end. No one can meet your expectations fully because no one can read your mind and no should actually. Everyone is their won person and what you expect is the extension of your persona and to expect someone to fill up all the check points is impossible to achieve.

But, love… Love can change all that. Just loving, not forcing or changing anything or anyone, just feeling that joy and love. Dance and sign with it. Work and create with it changes you and later on the world for the better.

After all, there is a reason for the saying love yourself first before you can love anybody else. Well, I am not sure that is really how it goes, but the point is the important one. Once you learn to enjoy yourself, you want need others to make you feel joy. But, sharing is caring and thus sharing your joy with someone familiar will just intensify it for the better and that makes a true relationship matter all the more.





In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Always Something There to Remind Me.”


{Music. Maitre Gims – Bella}

He sees her across the lavish restaurant. The music is live and guitar can be heard clearly amongst the other instruments and singing voices. Her skin is glowing under the lights, her hair waves of chocolate and her eyes big and light, enchanting when they meet his across the room.


She moves like she is made of air and water, all smooth moves and light steps, graceful in her approach. His heart stutters when she smiles, enchanting him even more.


He doesn’t remember how they meet, so pulled in her green eyes with speckles of gold he was. He doesn’t remember what he said, only her laugh, loud and honest. It sounds even sweeter later, when she laughs low against his ear as he holds her.


He knew that they are dancing in the moments that come. He is never more grateful for having learned all the dances as the stumbling, young boy. Now, he is grateful he is no longer clumsy, so that he may follow this beauty with a grace of a swan across the dance room and reflecting lights.


She was truly beautiful, with her smoky eyed make-up, lips painted red, enhancing the fullness of them and the whiteness of her teeth. Her hair done in perfect curls as they tumbled down her open back and mocca-colored skin sprinkled lightly with a perfume he came to associate with her.


He thinks he loved her at the sight. He thinks it is possible. Even before he knew her little quirks and secrets. Even before he knew that she only loved apple pie as a dessert and refused any other sweets. That she loved spicy food and enjoyed the various cultures. That she loved to travel in a summer, but in winter liked to stay curled in her home. That she had six different laughs and he was still counting. Before he knew how beautiful she looked after taking the shower, all clean and fresh, natural in her grace and bare as she laid before him.


He loved her since the first time he seen her and he never forgets how fitting the music accompanying their first gaze was.


He thinks how lucky he is that she accepts him so, even his quiet demur where he smiles at her whenever she enters the room, but doesn’t know how to express his admiration and love so well in words as she does. But, he thinks that’s alright, because she always smiles with warmth in her eyes, making them shine when he leaves roses for her, makes her dinner or kisses her good morning. He thinks action is just as telling as words, if not more.


He thinks that she is his Bella and he is finally breathing life since he met her.

It was just too sweet not to write though since I didn’t have a radio nor my set of headphones with me, I had to relay on my playlist on my phone and shuffle it. This came up and immediately the idea formed. Hope you like it.

Song is Maitre Gims – Bella if you missed the link at the beginning.




A reminder of what we have

{Music. Ludovico Einaudi – Walk}

Air and water,

Fire and earth

Did you know that at the start of alchemy and thoughts about what the earth was made of, they thought that every element was made by the four of those. Each object was made of different combinations of four main, basic elements. Today, we know that every object is made of thousands elements and thus, the endless possibilities in our minds expanded to never-ending.

Gold and silver,

Diamonds and metals

So many elements there are, so many things that once you pay attention, you find magical and mystical in its appearance and its existence.

Mud – created from water and earth. Full of potential to help and heal.

Dust – air and earth in its beauty dances under the reflector of sun light, carrying secrets we have yet to interpret and understand.

Fog – fire and water, hiding and finding things, making everything look like the time of witching hour.

Molten lava – earth and fire, making fiery accessories across the surface of the Earth, slow and relentless, it shows how some things may come slow, but they will come, steadily and surely just like anything you do.

Stranger things did happen when air and fire collided, the power it could cause, so simple and light separated, they became a force to reckon once united.

Isn’t life beautiful in it never-ending circle or growth, creation, living and then gracefully dieing before being reborn in a new shape and joy? Sounds kinda romantic for just basic every day things, but I thinks that where the secret of life actually is. In finding the beauty over and over again in things you thought you see every day, but are different with every second.

Thoughts and free time can do wonders for your blog, you know. Just a little bit of something for all of you lovelies out there, finding time to click on this post.



College, colleg, colle, colle, coll, col, co, c…….

{Music. Vacation – Vitamin C}

The doom of my existence to be honest. Why? Well, when you get asked about college all the time you are lucky if you have a ready answer in where are you attending and what year and how many tests you dealt with. But, when you, you know, aren’t you get into a bit of a spot when you have to explain your lengthy reasoning to people who won’t really understand. And that’s why I hate small talk. Because my decision isn’t based on a short thinking, it is based on the long research and rethinking and simply feeling different about it. You can’t explain it as much as it deserves to be explained with just few words.

But, I guess you are wondering now why on Earth someone doesn’t really want to go to college. It is absurd after all, because how do you expect to get a job, start a career if you didn’t spend 3-5 years in an institute to finish with a glossy piece of paper and a ridiculous looking hat on top of you.

Because I talked to a lot of people who did get into college and actually, finished it. From successful to not so successful. And every single one of them know that college isn’t the major stepping stone to success or anything really. Because, they would finish college and end up making a career from something completely different. They would study for hours, killing their nerves and screwing up their metabolism to get a degree in which they, in the end, didn’t get a job nor were interested anymore some 5 years later. And how smart is that? What good do you have now that you have a degree saying you are ready to start your journalism career, but there is some schmuck who spent the last 4 years of his life which you spent in college, building up his audience by working small jobs, and keeping up a serious blog or working in a newspaper and thus got tons of life experience. So, what is more useful and more productive in the long run?


That is one of the major reason why I don’t feel inclined to go to college. The second is that I hate school system. I think it is basic brainwashing and that they give you one straight view on how to look at something and leave you with that, calling it an education. Third is an addition to the second and it is that I hate deadlines. Like, I hate when they put a book before me and say Read it, the test is in two months. You could give me a year, I probably won’t open it beyond writing my name in or simply doodling in boredom if even that. More likely outcome is that it would end up buried under a pile of dust and somewhere in a corner, so far that Narnia would seem near. But, if I picked that same book because I myself picked it up and didn’t have any deadline, I just wanted to learn what it contained, than it would be done in a week or less.

See, not a college girl material here. Also, I change my mind a lot. Or better to say, I want to learn many things at the same time. You can’t study drama, explore spirituality and travel the world at the same time if you are attending college. Workshops are my saviors to be honest. Not while this above is pretty harsh and sounds all doled up, it doesn’t mean I will never go to college or some school out there. Only that it will take more than the usual motivational speech given to high school kids to get here. All in all, chances are a bit slim.


Now, that I finally got this out in the world, next time anyone asks me anything about college, I will just give them a link to this post. Though, I just have to comment, it is a wonder how people think that they need to give you advice. Like, I didn’t ask for it, for you to have a semi-worried face and then thousands suggestions. Why do people do that? Yet, when you ask them about their life, they have thousands of problems they eagerly talk about (and they finished college, see it doesn’t solve anything) and zero suggestions that they could follow to solve them.

So, to stop here, in a dramatic end of my teenage rebellion (mind you, I will consider myself a child until I am at least 80, than I am a wise one) and wish you a lovely day.

Child-like kisses,


P.S. This is definitely me parenting. So… don’t give me children to raise unless you want a rebellion on your hands


Inspiration, what is that?

{Music. Three wishes by the Pierces}

I come here and look at the screen.

I think of what to say. I do not wish to bombard you with pointless, everyday things. Things that I wouldn’t remember after three days. And than, I started thinking, what am I writing about in general. What is the spark that is the main theme of this blog? What brings you here? And I realized, I don’t have the answer.

It seems I am changing so rapidly, so fast, that I can’t keep the main theme, as it slipped away as if it was a bird in a cage, finally being set free, leaving me with only a shell of what it once contained.

Can’t go through a lot with just a shell, can you?

Don’t know why I am even writing this to be honest. It isn’t like it is terribly interesting.

I work at a hotel for now and it is amazing that the afternoon shift can be as boring as hell (though, for us, artsy types, a piece of paper or a book is all that is needed to chase away the boredom, or better yet, a free Wi-fi) yet once I started writing this, in less than 5 minutes, two phone calls. It is like a universe telling me, please who cares?

Though, I also take it kinda like a challenge. Just because you are stopping me, my desire to write kinda increases. Funny thing, what can inspired motivation.

So, an update. Been working on my graphic design skills so here is an example

beauty three wishesMind you, I say I’ve been working on it not that it is perfect.

woman     Paris, Paris, the mystery for me,

I admire your streets and movie stars walking under your lights,

Elegance and beauty, like cashmere soft as it covered the

bloodshed of the past

Filled with your language, I stopped understanding them, but

they got that much more beautiful

Women with sharp faces, so enchanting in their wake

And man with their charming smiles and sweet words

How I wish to visit you all,

Explore the life of erotic love and sweet promises that is Paris.

Guess I really don’t know where to go exactly. We shall see. From every mess, clarity comes so I am counting on that.



Love is all you got

{Music. Lisa Mitchell – Neopolitan Dreams (Niklas Ibach Remix)}

People fall in love so easily. It is in our nature to love and to connect with others around us, to care and be part of the group. It is obvious by our customs and way we live that we want love, yet we rarely truly love. We set boundaries for ourselves and expectations for other people to meet them and we kill the love we feel at the start simply because we don’t accept it as it is, but demand something else from it, something that is only in our minds.

If we truly let ourselves go, we would fall in love in an instant. We would fall in love at the bright, blue sky filled with soaring birds over and over again and our heart would sing with joy at the sight of a sunrise and sunset every time we encountered its rays of light. Falling in love is easy as it is breathing. It comes natural and fills us up with a natural flow of nature and universe. Loving is part of us. It is easier for us to simply love than to learn how to hate you. A smile can make you love; years of pain and anger makes you hate – the difference is clear.


A problem with society is that it shows us false beliefs about love that we take and stick to and teaches how to fear and not how to love. The false beliefs we learn come mostly from romantic books and movies that we so devour. We all want love, yet you don’t need to acquire it as we are told to do. It is not waiting for us in Paris or in someone special. It is in you and you just need to love. Love yourself first, love your life first, love people around you and you shall see how it spreads out in a beautiful swirl of joy. Have you noticed you can’t define love? Or falling in love? We try by saying he fell in love with her eyes or she fell in love at his kind nature. Because she can dance or because he can be unexpectedly romantic. Because of this or that, but what may work for one person to feel love doesn’t mean it will work for the other. Some girls wants flowers, some girls want a leather jacket and motorcycle ride. Some guys want a romantic dinner, others want a laid back evening on a couch in sweatpants.

The point is that everybody is different yet we all want love. Love will express itself in everybody differently. You can’t define love, you can only feel it and keep it safe. And when I say keeping it safe, I mean not let your expectations stop your from simply feeling and enjoying yourself no matter of the boundaries other throw at you. Just because someone isn’t as tall as you want or doesn’t texts you “Good morning” and “Good night” or doesn’t surprise you with a cooked dinner, doesn’t mean love isn’t there. Or is younger or older or isn’t someone your friends or people around you approve. Love isn’t checking things off from the list, it just is and you can accept it and enjoy it or you can ignore it and feel frustrated and unhappy at the end of the day. Real love is easy and doesn’t put us in any stereotypical shape that we so lean towards. When we truly let go than we truly love. We don’t put expectations on ourselves or on others. No one is required to meet your expectations and you are not required to meet any of theirs.

The one who loves unconditionally is lucky and reaches the true bliss, not the one that is loved. It is love that we ourselves experience which makes us children at heart again, happy and fulfilled, seeing life with vibrant colors and beautiful sounds.

Remember, you are the one that invokes the light through your eyesight, the one who decided is it hot or cold for you, too much or not enough. The reality just is and it changes in our perception and our choice at how to perceive it. That is our free will. We are free to see the world however we chose to and we have to power to change that view anytime we want. How will you perceive the world around you depends on you what you feel and how you think.

{Music. Hozier – Take me to Church}    buuuu1

If you feel love and see new opportunities and find creative way to achieve something, life will be much more beautiful, filled with bliss and feeling content. If you feel fear and judge everything and everyone, a negative comment coming faster to your lips than does the positive one, your world will be bleaker, less magical and much more dull, almost a misery to live.

I wish you best of luck in simply loving and getting rid of any judgments our brain is programmed to bring up and to experience the life to its fullest which goes beyond just a paid job and a roof over your head.

With lots of love


Gossips and hopes of wisdom

{Music. Parov Stelar – Coco}

you are

Knowledge expands your horizons. It changes the way you think, the way you see, the way you process. It is useful, helpful and enlightening. Yet, we are not taught to see or to understand. So many things, we are thought to ignore, to focus on unnecessary things. Has anyone noticed that you were silently aware of some things, but until someone sits you down and explain it to you in clear word, you don’t see it? I guess that is the main proof we only bother to use barely five percent of our brain.

I guess I was pretty naive as a child. I wasn’t so many around kids as I was around cartoons and toys. My parents friends often were people who travelled or seemed to be from another time, the time that was discussed deeper side of politics, art, philosophy, music, things that fueled a child’s imagination to unimaginable heights. I found it wonderful when they said to quote Shakespeare or said Socrates teachings. I wished to grow up, learn it all so I can discuss that, as well. Child’s imagination.


As I said, people have a superpower of ignoring things they don’t want to face. So, I ignored many things, putting things in my perception until people and situations fitted it.

There are many stuff that I could discuss from that, but one thing I want to focus on is that became a bit clearer to me a few days ago, but I thought about for years on end. As a child I naively thought that only kids gossiped. Ridiculous, I know, but true nevertheless. And the reason for that in head was that children gossiped about one another simply because they had nothing better to discuss. Of course they are going to laugh about how someone who fell down in front of the whole school rather than relish in the wisdom of Aristotle because they simply didn’t know better. And, for a while, that explanation worked perfectly for me. At the time, I wasn’t so much aware of it as I am today. It was one of those silent explanation that you have about something and that you only realize later on when time has passed and you can see more clearly. You truly understand yourself and your actions more when something passed and not when you are in midst of it.


I found myself lonely back then because I desired for someone with whom I could share more than just what happened on Friday and who went to cinema with whom (to be clear, it was middle school so teenage stuff was just starting to reel its head). So, I turned to books. So many wonderful stories and so much to learn from them. I turned to movies and found magic created behind a glass surface, just a touch away. Turned towards my imagination and stories about Jesus. About his words of love and care and forgiveness towards everyone. Of course, once you discover how hypocritical people can be, especially in religions, those who claim that are virtues and yet are no better, the idea of standing besides them and listen to them turned very unappealing.

But, growth means learning and it was the change that shocked me as it happened. The first dream was shattered when I opened my eyes and ears and realised that grown people gossiped just as much as kids and about the same thing. Only difference was they could drink coffee, smoke cigarettes and say curse words freely. I felt so disappointed because all my dreams of being a sophisticated lady and discussing great words, were dashed away.


Than, another shock came when I realised how much my parents gossiped, as well. To be clear, they didn’t sound the same as the kids around me and my ability to ignore things that didn’t fit in the way that I saw things kicked in to protect my dreams about them. After accepting all that, I started to wonder more and more why people gossiped so much. One thing is to be a social person and to share stories. It is another to put another person down so that you can feel better about yourself. Because, let’s face it. That is the reason behind all that habit of gossiping. If someone screwed up more than you or the way they live life is decided to be worse than yours, you feel better about yourself and your way of living. We wouldn’t actually be happy if everybody was content and perfect, not with this current mindset. And we are taught to have this mindset. What else is the magazines and tv talk shows and dozens of other things, than a global gossip network that teaches us how to act and what to talk about? And most often than not, they have a nasty thing to say about someone rather than a good one.

{Music. The Neighbourhood – Alleyways}

Constant negativity and nastiness is tiring for me. And what is worse, it is hard to meet positive people. Truly positive ones that are realistic, but don’t immediately jump on what could go wrong than rather think about how could it be good. I want to be positive and I try not to be pulled into depressive, monotone way of living that so many live by, but it is not easy to resist the habit and the majority. So many people prefer to be a victim rather than a master of its fate. I am trying to learn to take the control back, to learn a new way rather than just blame everyone around me and mope in misery and say how everybody is terrible to me. They are not. Cuz, their thoughts and words don’t control or define me yet we all act as if they do. And we act as if our opinion is going to change somebody.


I wish to sit with someone and not talk about anybody else or have them complain about that or another because everybody knows that those problems will not be half as important a year from now on and instead just share funny stories or thoughts and laugh at silliness and feel better about life rather than worse. I had that with maybe, three persons, at most in my whole life. Two people with whom that happened on more than one occasion and it was wonderful to experience and have.

{Music. Jetta – I’d Love to Change the World}

I wonder if you today had a good laugh and felt better or groaned and started talking how somebody did something that annoyed you so much. What makes you feel better, in the end? Do you want to look back at your life and realize you spent it discussing about someone and something that nobody made feel better or taught you anything. A waste of time and as such, a waste of life.

I feel lucky and blessed when I can find someone to talk about things that genuinly interest me and that aren’t connected to discussing someone elses way of life. I think I feel better now in my life. I am starting to realize things and it requires change because, as I said, when you learn something new, it will change things, and I am trying to make the best of it. Trying to make a path that doesn’t follow the same mainstream of everybody else. And, I suppose both you and I will see how it goes.

Maybe this was inspiring to you and if so, I am glad. If not, well, too bad.

Lots of love,


P.S. I dare you to buy a flower and give it to someone who you gossip about the most on your coffee breaks and see how it goes.

healthy mind