Blogging 101: Introduction of a lost soul

{Music. Simply Falling – Iyeoka http://youtu.be/9Pes54J8PVw }

I was only introduced to the world of blogging a few days ago. It is a new, exciting world full of new possibilities that I look forward to discover.

Since I was little, I liked to create stories in my head and as I grew and read, I started writing them, as well. Soon, I had dozen small notebooks filled with child’s imagination. Then, with a discover of advantages of a keyboard and editing, I started writing on my computer (though, my notebooks remain a quiet companion in the bag with a phone and keys wherever I go). But, most of those stories I would write and they would be left alone to collect data dust on my hard drive. I realized that I wanted to share them with the world. Also, I wanted to get feedback from people who would look at them objectively and honestly and thus, enabling me to improve myself better. It is different when a close friend makes a comment on your work who has a certain view of yourself or what you write opposite to a complete strange who is just looking for a good story/text. I appreciate both feedback, but I never got one from a complete strangers and that prompted me (along with other things) to start.

I guess, you can call me Elly. I am 19 years old, turning twenty (20) in July. I am mostly an artistic soul, one that is captured by art, photography, world around me, movies, books, experiences; inspired by love, peace, the works of human mind and behavior, music and life in general.

You could say that another reason why I took to blogging is because around people I tend to have inclination towards mystery. Even though I am an open person, gladly meeting new people and new places, I still have a tendency to hide things that I hold close to my heart. Maybe some would say it is for a lack of trust I have in people and yes, a part of it lies there, but the more truthful say would be that I am simply not much of a people person when it comes to opening about certain things. For me it is easier (or was, I am not sure anymore, to be honest) to write my worries, problems, memories and other stuff on a paper, let the ink dry and forget about as I close the notebook than to pass it as a burden of knowledge on another person.

However, I found myself wishing for more – to share, to see how people would react to inner workings of my mind and my style of writing. I guess I just want to be heard in a way that I wasn’t before.

I hope people will like it and enjoy themselves as much as they can. I shall do my best to improve myself with every blog that I publish and to make it as unique and as beautiful as it can be. I wish everybody a lot of luck and lots of love.

Peace,

Elly

Music diary

I wish songs were people. A live representation of it.

You know that feeling when a song feels you up and makes your day better or ore magical because you have been listening to it? I wish that you had that exact person and that whenever you hit that person up, it will always cause the feeling like a song does.

Of course, in a ways that is already true, but I truly wish I knew people who were the perfect representations of all the songs on TheSoundYouNeed  and TheVibeGuide (if you don’t know them and if you enjoy music, I think you will find them beautiful. I certainly do. About half of my playlist is just their songs.)

I swear, this song here, if it was ever a person – Marvin Gaye-Sexual Healing (Kygo Remix) it would be this easy going, laid back person with probably a very attractive body and charisma, swiftly, but gently pulling you in and holding you there. I can imagine being somewhere on the coast with it, dancing lazily, happy from the sun and cocktails and fresh breeze making the weather perfect as you enjoyed your day away.

While this song Lykke Li – I Follow Rivers (FlicFlac Remix) reminds me more of a whacky person, running around the city, driving in a car or riding a bus, exiting at the random stops and entering shops, laughing and saying hello to people randomly on the streets. Finding hidden spots and small coffee shops and chic parties.

Then, if you wish to stride through the street on the bright sunny day, you meet up this song here TEEMID – Crazy ft. Joie Tan (Gnarls Barkley Cover) . I imagine a tall, classy woman with big sunglasses, full lips and elegant stride as she moves down the streets of a big city. Imagine tall heels, longer legs, slim body and big smile with even bigger mind. Perfect when you wish to feel big and like the world is belonging to you.

And then you have still babe here Milky Chance – Stolen Dance (Alex Brandt’s Saxual Edit) . I guess because of the voice I imagine it as a handsome guy with sun bleached, blonde hair and a nice smile, waltzing around and being a joy to see. He would be to go to guy for when you wish something completely new, but nothing exaggarated. Just a guy you take when you want to meet new people, see new places, learn new things and he would be there, open and inviting and you would just share and build up on exitment and enjoyment that is life.

For more of a night life, with tall skyscrapers, luxury malls and Chanel perfume, you turn to this one here and she takes you out for a spin in her Lambourgini, far away – ZHU- Faded (Arthur Younger Remix)  Imagine driving down the highway, a looming city filled with lights before you, invitingly waiting for you to arrive and you are drinking champagne, all dressed up and ready for everything as your heart beats already with excitment and new prosperities, just waiting to see all the adventures and experience this side of life, as well.

And lastly for now, but not the least, FlicFlac – Hope. Sunset on the warm summer air with the sky still in last colours of orange and the smell of fruit in the air with crickets song and fireflies dancing about. You are with all your friends and you listen to this song, listen to its beauty and message and you trust it so much that you know you can live your life however you want and create it to be as free or as wild as you wish it to be.

That’s it from me, loves

Enjoy the rest of the weekend with good music

Lots of love

Ellie

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Dreams of goals

Weed confession – I never really put it here that I tend to smoke from time to time. Mind you, my approach to it is either smoke for few days in a row, when I feel it  and then not smoke for a while. But, I tend to be like that with everyting in my life, so this is no suprise. I suppose I thought that people would feel against it and as such, wouldn’t wish to be part of this anymore, no matter how small it currently is. But, my conclusion about life right now is that honesty is the best policy.

The thing that I also found that weed can make my brain go in overdrive, thinking more deeply about things than really necessary for anyone who doesn’t like to complicate their lives. Me, for better or worse, do tend to do that. But, what I really wanted to share today is a short confession that I wrote that kinda describes my deeper current mindset which happened when I was high, thus he first paragraph.

I don’t wish to be succesful just,

I want to reach for the stars

Feel how it is to be a star

For she is made of what I am made of.

Not just see the wild waves and pass them through on my way to school

I want to feel them as I feel myself,

Totally and completely.

If that is not fullfilled, the ultimate happiness of living, how can I be happy?

Even if I have a success in business, the joy won’t be full because I would feel the emptiness

That only one with everything

remembering that I am a creator and planets,

birds and oak trees,

all that is, is me, as well.

Light and God,

One and everything.

That I am part of this energy that is everything and all.

It is the ultimate power, the ultimate truth.

And you truly know this,

And once you feel it and know by heart,

Then your conciousness and your mind will automatically know it, as well.

But, knowing intelectually is not all there is.

In fact, it is a lower level of knowing – learned theory, one that you may or may not apply in life and what use is that?

A level that you need, but is not enough.

However, it will happen on its own accord, you will know intelectually of itself if you know it first by feeling it, by breathing it, by living the truth.

Which is a joy to know, for now you can skip thousands of books

Who all tell you in the end the same truth.

Just live and be lived through,

Life wants to flow

Don’t stop it with fear spready by a mad society.

Let yourself live as a god on earth in a sense that what you think you become and that is ultimate godhood and so become true to your heritage.

Only that is the truth.

And only that matters.

We used to forget for we were playing and we wanted to take the play to the next level.

Now, we are stuck in this play for a moment of time.

And once we reach the truth again

We’ll probably want to forget again for it is the nature of play  and it is the only way that you can have the illusion of free will and free choice.

Only when you are cut of the whole, or better to say, your mind forgets it is part of the whole, can there be created an illusion of existence as a individual unit, Of self, of a personality that you use to function in this world of society and this form of existence.

But, once you remember, you go back to the universe level. You live and exist purely in the form of energy and there are no desires, no dreams, no past or future, only now.

And that’s why we like to play the game of forgetting.

After all, only in the game can we experience the ups and downs, joys and sorrows, in its illusionist form where everything can be created, from biggest peaks of humanity to worst tragedies that you can imagine and that makes all the fun in the world possible.

It is a bit reformed for the sake of better understanding for I wrote some sentences in the way that are not neither gramatically correct nor much understandable. However, this is something that occupies my mind a lot lately and hopefully, there are some individuals out there that think similary 🙂

Until next time,

Lots of love,

Eli

 

 

The truth time

{Music. Milky Chance – Stolen Dance (Embody Remix)}

I admit I haven’t been as honest as I wish I was. But, I am starting to explore the world and its possibilities and I realized how much I missed sharing things. So, I am coming back to it. Truth is, many changes have happened in my life. Many large changes and I haven’t even realized how major they were to be honest until I look back at what I have done. And I wish to inform you because I realized connection is the greatest gift we have as human beings and I haven’t been really using it and I found that I quite miss it, like a limb that you can’t truly figure out until you start again. So, I’ll tell you a short version of how I moved to London, completely unplanned or attentionally.

I met a girl on the summer. I’ll call her Chi here simply because it is one of her nicknames and she would bullshit me so much if she was reading this and I was telling everything about her life here. She is wonderful like that to be quite honest.

But, basically, what happened is that I met her in the summer and, in short, she is this large bundle of joy, spontanity and beauty. One of my favorite people that I had a privilidge to meet in my short life (and if she was reading this, she would probably be on the verge of tears while calling me an idiot for all emotional feelings that I am splashing here. And also, probably, why am I holding a blog like an old grandma or something in that general sense knowing her). Anyways, I met her for a few days on the summer where we met through mutual friends – instant click of happiness. First time we met there was no handshake, but an instant hug and how lovely is it to start a friendship like that?

Second time we saw each other was back in Zagreb, the city we are both from. We went for a concert in another town with two other friends and basically killed ourselves with laughter all the way there and back (I’ll write the post soon and place a link here). But, we didn’t get to really talk to one another which basically led to the last time I saw her in Zagreb. Last time I met her was on a Saturday evening and on Monday she was travelling back to London where she is studying to be an actress. The plan was to meet up and actually get to know each other individually before she goes. Of course, that lasted for about two hours before our mutual friends showed up and we spent the night partying away.

Me being me, took her invatation to come to London rather seriously and in a few months time, at the time where I felt fed-up with life in Croatia, I bought a one-way ticket because I didn’t wish to put a time limit on how long am I staying (which later on I found out has been worrying Chi for like two days straight before she concluded that I am awesome and should stay forever – those are her words, just so we are clear). But, basically, we both have lots of luck and lots of craziness and our parents aren’t very up tight and it actually happened exactly how we crazily planned in a moment of spontanuty. Imagin a scene like this – we are walking down the road and Chi says ‘You should go to the agency and get them to find you a job. Then you can stay forever.’ and my response is something like ‘Good plan. The worst that can happen is that I stay a bit longer and then I turn to Croatia if it fails.’, ‘Exactly!’ and that is somehow it. To be certain, we probably discussed it for longer then two minutes, but honestly I do not remember and knowing us, it couldn’t have lasted more then 10 minutes because we basically function on principle on deciding something and simply doing it without overturning too much pros and cons of it all which might have led us to a trouble a time or two and lots of adventurous the rest of the time.

What happened is that I stayed for about two weeks with her while also sleeping in random places of her friends houses for couple of nights because she was living with her boyfriend at the time and we kinda moved around to give him his space, as well (to be clear, their place was basically a room that fits a bed, very small kitchenette, desk, wardrobe and tiny bathroom. When I say it was small, I say it was that small that three people couldn’t stand at the same time and move. But, somehow, we managed it and I am forever grateful that we are all very chilled out people however you turn it about though we all have certain nerves of our own (I suppose that effects of weed helped with that as well – next post, the truth – my experience with marijhuana).

But, basically, I fell in love with London. I fell in love with the people and I really didn’t want to leave. So, I dragged it out, bit by bit, until I went to the agency where you pay and they provide you with job interviews, CV and possible flats. I got my CV, went to the job interview where I was almost late because I was searching fro a printing shop where I could print my CV and actually got it from the first try. Nothing fancy, I started my life as a waitress in Sports bar & grill on Marylebone street. To be honest, at the time, only thing I knew is that I loved the people I had in my life and if I wanted to stay with them, I needed to have a job that’s gonna cover my expanses here and that is the only thing that pushed me basically. At the time, Chi introduced me with both her best friend and her roommate which I am gonna call here Mags and Juš. Least to say, I fell in love with them both and they liked me enough to let me stay with them for they had a much bigger flat than Chi could dream off.

After almost three weeks or longer (I can’t quite remember since I suck at calculating anything) Chi accidently found a post on Facebook, offering a room and the miracle of it all is that it was actually 8 minutes walk from her best friend’s house which in London is almost impossible to find. Anyone who lives in London knows full well that you can expect at least 40 minutes of time to spare to get somewhere and that is close, to be clear. So, finding this was a small miracle in itself. Parent’s help and support and I was moving in at the first room that I ever had from where I am currently writing this. I’ll be moving 19th to the other place, quite far from here actually, but the thing is, my mindset is changed and I am exploring the world again as a lone wolf that I am in my essence (which requires another post that is gonna come soon enough, promise). That is to say, not that I stopped hanging out with people, only that the first inicative need to be close to them all 24/7 has faded. Other reason is that Chi is currently studying abroad in New York and that makes me retrack to my old ways of thinking long hours and meditating. It is nothing bad. In fact, I believe it makes me better at communicating with people once I hang out with them (click here if you wish to know more).

This was a very short summary of what happened and it honestly brough more questions then answers, at least in my head so I’ll try to keep everything tight and neat and post more informations of things that I wish to share (and not to worry, I have loads in my head going on for anyone who like reading this and I hope you do)

Until next time,

Lots of love

Eli

P.S. I am not a waitess anymore. Haven’t been for about three months and have been working as a salesperson which really teaches you a lot about people.

 

Life focus and changes

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I often wonder about the people and their lives. And there are people who goand say, “Oh, it’s all about the money. In the end, it all comes around money”; other say “Family is what is important. What you leave behind, what you create.”; then you have “It is the spiritual practice and so on that it all comes to.” What is the worst part for me is that every single one of them have strong evidence that they are right and every single one of them is right. Because in the end – 100 people, 100 wonders, as an old saying goes. But, then today, it clicked. We all in the end search and like people that are either like us or who we want to be like. So, maybe when we meet someone we assert only the qualities of them that we personally have. If in our head is all about money, then we shall seek and confirm the state of money belief’s of the other person. Only parts that we ourselves think and believe are the ones we most assert in others. That is to say, what you think the most you shall recognize the best in someone else even if you don’t know them very well. I think the real confusion comes when you yourself are clear on your thoughts of leading certain part of life and the person you know either leads it in a completely different way or doesn’t have it sorted so you tend to find that person very strange and don’t know where to put it in your known category of dealing with different people. I suppose it is all about what we know and don’t know of.

Lately, for me personally, I found that I can find something that will connect me with almost anyone. And it made me realize that us focusing only on one side of life exclusively, actually excludes us from people who don’t focus on the same thing we are focused on. And instead of finding joy and sharing in many things, we bind ourselves to little goals and thus, small amount of people. And in that sense, we are actually forcing life into throwing us into situations that forces us to see more. And that’s why I believe that change can be painful and hard, but is always useful in the end.

How many of you find it hard to focus on more aspects of life then just one?

Princess’s dreams

A bird sang near the blue window. A song of the little throat was lessened, but not silenced by the clear surface of the window. It still reached the ears of Hayley, a little girl in her pink pajamas with small teddy bears that was sleeping in her bed located by the window.
It took about three days before a girl started to notice the constant song that played every morning and through out the day.

But, once she heard it, she heard it even when it was miles away.

The song made her think of adventures of flying to the castles built in the sky, made from marble and gold where white pegasus would take her to live and play. She told her mom of such dreams and her mom laughed good-naturedly. Wanting to teach her daughter kindness as well as some nice habits, every day for four days she showed Hayley how and where to put the food out for the little bird. Soon enough, just as mother predicted, the little girl started doing it on its own as a part of her morning routine. Brush your teeth, wash your face, comb your hair and put the food out for the little bird. Soon, not only did the little bird came into the habit of waiting for food, but it invited friends. Two, then three came until after a month, a dozen little creatures appeared to sing their songs together and then cheer in food offered to them.
Hayley’s love for them grew as did her imagination. The castle has grown in her mid and now it had a market place made from white marble and houses decorated wit fine stones in colors of green, red, blue and gold. People walked, danving and laughing, all of them fine princesses and princes as they walked in their fine clothes adored with diamonds and silver, their skin decorated with metal gold. At sunset, an orchestar would position itself in one of the squares and played free, live music for the people. The food was freely given and taken and everybody shared in their art, knowledge and care. Hayley flew to that place with every waking thought in her head, living there more often then on Earth, taken there by the song of birds and warmth of the Sun.

One fine autumn day, her and her dad took to working on the bird house in their backyard.  It was a small design at first, but changed quickly enough when they saw the amount of little friends that came to watch them work and offer their joy in form of a song. Hayley’s imagination grew as they built a bird house that resembled a white castle. She took to spreading her arms and running around the backyard they had as the chirp of birds followed her, dictating her dance and imagination.

However, soon, the weather turned cold, and birds started disappearing until only what was left was two little sparrows. It broke Hayley’s heart and the knowledge that they need to leave and shall return in spring didn’t mend it one bit.
She took to looking out of her window, dreaming of Sun and warmth, her birds and flying.
The snow fell, but it brought only so much joy before she was reminded of the loss of her birds and her joy diminished.
She prayed for the return of her birds every evening since they left and one clear night, where clouds moved aside to let moon and stars shine their light, she heard their chirping once again. Overjoyed, she skipped down the stairs, run out of the door and into the snow. And there, the birds flew chirping and flying and she laughed fully for the first time in months.
She started spinning in the circle, laughing, her face alight with joy and fresh flakes of a snow illuminated by  the moon.
The chirps grew into a Symphony of unheard music until then as the girl spooned. They flew up in the air and started dancing in the circle along with her, their song filling out the nights presence. She grew out of breath and she slowed down her spinning, turning only to see a miracle before her. Birds flew to the floor and builded up on one another, their song growing louder and louder until suddenly in less then a blink od the eye they melted together until a tall pegasus, in dark grey color with rainbow shine and silver hair stood before her.
Her eyes grew wide with wonder as she stared. The pegasus threw its lovely head about,  neighting softly. It struggled the ground with one hoof before walking slowly and turning.
Two little sparrows that have stayed were the only witnesses to the last sight of the little girl climbing onto pegasus back before they took to sky. No other witness have been present to see miracles of the clear winter night.

The Earth was left behind as they climbed through time and space into the new world of her imagination, created solely by her belief and thoughts, as if a song that took a solid form.

 

(To be continued…)

 

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Hope you enjoyed this,

Best of love

Elly

Wishes and Life agreements

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{Music. Bob Marley – Jamming (Banx & Ranx Remix)}

Life can be surprising to say the least. What I found is that wishes truly do come true. What you wish for hard enough comes to pass in the end. And it tends to happen that it doesn’t look how you imagined it. Personally speaking, I always dreamed about working in a office as a child and as I visited Austria, I imagined it to be on a main square in a office where I may look outside. I had that dream for a very long time and I believed myself to become a lawyer where I will have a suitcase and will do a very important function.

I ended up in London, working in a office located on Trafalgar square and I realised my wishes have changed completely and that I was living a twisted parody of my wish. Who ever doesn’t believe that your thoughts and feeling shape your future and world, stat believeing. It is the fundemental truth and it is the main law of physics – action and reaction. You just have to think it over and you shall see that truly everything you ever wished for, you got in some way in the end. But, maybe you didn’t recognize it because you got something else entirely than what you thought you will get. But trust me, in the end, you got exactly what you wished for.

I wished for many things in my life. I wish that I would stop wishing when I actually think it through. Who says my wishing to find a person just like me will actually be good for me? After all, I already know how twisted I can be, so why would I really wish someone just like me to be my side? Instead I should wish for a person who will bring out the best qualities in me.

But, wishes… They are like little birds, innocent and pure, but with a potential of danger. The more you wish, the higher the chance it will come to pass and as such, more likely that it is gonna turn your life in ways you didn’t predictated. I concluded, at the end of the day, if you really let go, let go of the thinking, analyzing, judgment, anything and let the universe take its course, you realise it comes up with much better ideas for you then you can ever hope for. Universe, if trusted, can create magic for you, you just have to believe in it.

And I learned that, anything can be done in this life. From biggest pain and tragedies to the highest form of happiness and bliss. I do not want to play by the rules of society anymore. I just wish to let myself go, be guided by the frequencies on which this whole world runs and be something more then just a myself, a personality that is neither decide in what it wants or appreaciative enough to value all the obsticales and gifts given to her.

I have few decisions to make:

I wish to become the best at everything I do.

I wish to write a book and I wish that everybody would read it.

I wish that I am happy all the time.

I wish that people around me are happy and content.

I wish and I wish, that at the end of my life I can look back at it and know that I made myself and my parents proud.

Silly wishes, but I do wish this one would come somewhat to pass 😉 I guess one takes few times to learn their lesson.Until I do, a few wishes might still come to pass.

Best of luck with your wishes and ideas.

Love

Eli

 

 

{Music. Thomax – Evol Remix (Wordsworth + Masta Ace)}

I have been having a problem lately. Before, I never really liked anybody, or at least, not enough to consider dating that person or opening up to them. Since I arrived to London, the number of people from zero has went up to beyond four. They are basic crushes that have more potential then any other crush before simply because I actually talk to this people and am not coming up with an image inside my head, but am actually meeting them.

It is quite strange for me to put in a defintion to be honest which is why I am sharing it here. Does my care for one person lessen because at the same time I am fancing another person, as well? Or is ti doubling because I am also giving this person more freedom then I would if he was in my sole focus and thus being overly dramatic about him?

Basically, I honestly don’t know how to rationally handle this situation. For now, which I learned is a best approach, I simply go with the flow and enjoy every one of their’s company while it lasts. How it turns out… God knows, maybe I will actually have a boyfriend for the first time ever or maybe I just learn a very valuable leasson in handling my crushes.

Truth to be told… I am bad at relationships in general. True, if you met me I am quite good at talking people up and being a friend. But, actual, deep bonds where I share everything with one person or expose my deeper feeings and beliefs… That I only have one person which would be actually my mom to understand, and even she doesn’t know everything about me since she can’t understand things that are simply difference in generation. My other friends, they all know bits and pieces, not one the whole story in my head. I guess I do have a bit of trust issues. I won’t lie, I do have them. As a kid I didn’t have many friends and those I did were never all that real and as a result I don’t have that much of a habit to confide too deeply in anyone. Sounds sad when you read it like this, but I personally believe that many people actually have this and that it is actually sad how similiar we are all, and yet we are still cruel and without understanding to one another.

Still, we all wish for the same – love, acceptence, understanding, joy of being yourself without judgment.

{Music. Deep Chills – Waikiki}

And it seems that in every culture, in every country there are some advantages and disadvantages that other places don’t have and still leaves you stumbling about, not sure how or what.

I guess that is the joy of travelling. In a very short period of time you can learn and grow a lot. I am still learning how to handle many new sides of me that have surfaced with new people that I met, which is specially focused on having so many people that I would love to meet more intimately. Still don’t know where is an invisible line in anything that you shouldn’t cross. Some I have figured out, but lots of them are still very much blurry and undifiened.

To be honest, it makes me wanna run somewhere foreign once again. But, sometimes you just have to let time define the path that you are walking.

Hopefully, mine path won’t be down a cliff.

Until next time,

Love

Elly